Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[Clairee]

Hope I totally understand the anxiety you're feeling about H, what he's doing or where is he. I was the same way after finding out. It's hard to just let it go. Some things that helped me were journaling & rubber bands. I journaled everyday, still do. About my feelings, the day, whatever I felt like I needed to say. I said it to my journal & not my H. Not until he was receptive to hearing some of it & by that point, I was able to really look back at all my questions, concerns & fears then decide what was really important. Now before I say anything or ask anything I ask myself 'is this going to help my goal & does this get me closer to my goal?' If either is no, I stfu.

And rubber bands helped me from snooping. Whenever it crossed my mind, I snapped one on my wrist. The sting was just enough to jolt the thought loose so I could stop. Snooping didn't help me. There was never enough for an answer, but just enough to bring more questions. And all that did was make me nervous, anxious & I looked needy.

One of my Hs biggest complaints was that he felt ignored, unappreciated & unloved in our M. So while I still have my GAL activities, I make plans for us too. Even if it's just ice cream after dinner away from the house. We make sure everyday to spent at least 30 minutes of us time. Sometimes that's sitting outside having coffee, sometimes it's driving around. The what isn't as important as the do. During that time, I don't ask about us, the R, or his feelings. We talk about our day, what's the plan for tomorrow, anything & nothing. If H brings up us, R, feelings, I let him talk. I don't interrupt, I validate & just listen. And always I thank him for sharing. This has helped my H open up more & has brought us closer. We're still baby stepping our way through. So each positive is one step closer to my goal of a happy, healthy, respectful & equal partnership.

I read a book called After the Affair. It really helped me. Like Starksy said, MWD doesn't have much in her books right now. So I researched & found this one. I look forward to reading MWDs when it comes out.

Hang in there my friend. Baby steps. Breathe. GAL.