Co dependency H Affair poor boundaries oh My

[Zues126]

4...

1. DO NOTHING. The decision about whether to move out or not move out should not be made right now. You are all over the map and extremely emotional. This is NOT the time to make life changing decisions. You have time to learn to be still. Many times people are so distressed they feel they have to do ANYTHING to try to change things. Some even burn bridges with their WAS to KILL the M just to try to "get out of limbo". They end up living a life of regrets, and the worst part is they don't feel any better because there is no getting around the grieving. Wherever you go, there you are. You can run, but you can't hide. It's going to hurt. Take it on the chin, and sit with the pain. But DON'T make life decisions, and DON'T provoke WAH into making them either. Just *****BE STILL********.

2. DETACHMENT. Emotional independence. Goal- to reach a point in your world where you can enjoy your days REGARDLESS of what WAH, OW, or anyone else does. If a waiter treated you rudely, would it wreck your day? No. You need to get to the point where you feel that way about WAH.

Really detachment is your most important goal. The do nothing is just there so you don't destroy your universe until you achieve detachment.

How to get there? You've already described a bit about what WAH and OW do that derail you from your sense of inner peace. OK. Fine. But that's focusing on their behavior which you can't control. Most of what you're talking about is trying to figure out ways to bring WAH back and make OW leave. That won't work. You have to control YOU.

Why don't you talk more about how those behaviors makes you feel, what fears and insecurities it wakes up within you, and how you've handled (or not handled) that pain when you feel it.

By spending more time reflecting on YOUR feelings and behavior in reaction to those feelings you will start to see patterns. Vicious cycles. Limiting beliefs. Immature controlling behavior. Etc.

Those can be tough to change, but when you take the time to reflect and start to see the connection between YOUR behavior/beliefs and the hell you're currently in you'll find you have the strength to do it.

So, just to make it really easy, here's the recap. 1. DO NOTHING. 2. DETACH. 3. Realize 100% of your pain is coming from YOUR beliefs/behavior, and that the only reason you should even mention WAH/OW's actions is to see what it wakes up within YOU so you can learn to better deal with it.