Yup, it stands for Rising Above It - III

[Vanilla]

RAI

If you believe it's OK then I can go with that. You can always gently check D is ok.

I haven't posted on Defactos thread for a number of reasons, firstly I have never been sure the hard line stance proposed there is the best one and I am not strong enough or experienced enough to have the words. Secondly my WH was an abuser not an MLC and there is a difference. I also take the DB stance on not exposing an A. I don't know Rips thread so can't comment.

I do agree with GB on one thing, not lying or covering up an A even to children. I prefer a softer stance with less drama and more 'in sorrow than anger'. I don't know if GB is proposing open acknowledgement by both in front of a child. Truth darts are private things to me. I don't interpret others posts so won't comment.

Always children come first, I fostered children from difficult homes so I am very keen on looking after the children above all. There are other parents here so I hope there will be extra feedback.

It can be confusing to take advice given to another poster and apply it to your own sitch. I have made that mistake and it backfired on me, so I choose to ask on my thread and then I consider the choices. So I get that, wanting to do your very best at all times. I know you come from a loving place with your children and I always concern myself with hardline advice. There is another BB called MB with more exposure A strategies but I chose to be here because of the more spiritual stance, it fits more with my personal philosophy of growth and personal development and self responsibility.

I do believe it is not my job to make WH feel bad. Yes to be angry because that is my feeling and I deserve to feel good anger. It's what I do with it that is important to me.

There is a post by MWD on exposing As.

A message from Michele Weiner-Davis

It has come to my attention that some people on this message board are strongly suggesting advice that runs counter to my Divorce Busting philosophy and practice- the notion of exposing a spouse's affair to family members. While this plan may be helpful to one couple, it would completely backfire in other marriages. I have worked with many couples where the betrayed spouse revealed all the information to friends and family with extremely detrimental outcomes. First, when the unfaithful spouse discovered this had happened, he or she decided to file for divorce and it became a final decision. Secondly, there are those situations where the couple began to heal from the infidelity and get their marriage back on track, but the family members undermined the couples' efforts and even "disowned" the betrayed spouse. This made life-long commitments after infidelity a very challenging outcome because few people like giving up their family and friends. So, while I do believe that betrayed spouses need support from loved ones when dealing with such a distressing situation, it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity. Nonetheless, it's still important to recognize potential risks.


V