H sent me a text this morning with a list of things he would like me to do hang laundry out mail his insurance papers! Said he had girls clean rooms and shower! How do I out boundaries up without a fight so I don't have to do all this stuff especially right now?
It is kind of weird. I do not feel as emotionally attatched anymore. Since saturday I have not really felt the need to text him or say ILY. Missing spending time with him but not overwhelmed by it. It has kind of been a pleasant few days. We will see how tonight goes. I did pick up some extra hours next week so part of that is going for the pedicure I have been wanting and part of it to savings! I need to put money away. I want this A to end soon! He is allowing me to take kids swimming instead of with him and OW. It is so weird to me that he loves her and they want to be together forever but he still allows me to keep kids away from her and she has not met family. Could this mean he is still questioning himself? What is your take on it?
Ok just re read LRT and infidelity chapters! Hmmm re reading gave me some perspective! I am working on emotional detachment so my goal is to not text or call first for 7 days! How will I know this is working? He will start texting me first wth something positive like have a good day not just a list of things to do! Goal 2 when my emotions take control i will step away and ask if what I am about to do/say will bring me closer to my goal or further away! I will remember that we e just acquaintances! How will I know if this works? I will have PMA and more steady moods! I will also know this is working if we have no Arguments for a week!
Sounds like you got some good goals and good plans for yourself!
On the work - is this something you have usually done? Did he ask you, or tell you to do these things? Does he work more hours than you, and is he at work or is he away with OW? Do you have a division of chores that is fair? Those would all be things I would consider before I did chores for him.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
He works 8 more hours than I do but I make .82 more than him so we make the same! I do not usually pick up hours but he has spent to much this month and now we are behind 150$ plus what we spend tonight racing! As for work he asked me to do...yes I do all of it usually! He washes laundry and puts light stuff in dryer I hang it out and girls and I put it away its a control thing he has no idea who's clothes are whose! They all wear about the same size so if he puts it away wrong they whine at me so it's easier if I just do it! That has always been my preference he wash dry I hang out out away! I always take care of bills accounts paperwork (insurance daycare assistance thank you cards ect) as for house chores when he was not working going to school he took care of the majority now that he is working and racing he does very little inside but does take care of cars (he has a mechanics degree) so he does all car maintance takes kids to daycare before work mows lawn/outside maintance and racecar (which is a chore to him and I agree if we r spending that mi h to race it needs maintained motor cost 4000) so during race season he does not so much inside but once winter comes he helps! I do most cleaning dishes and take care of kids/bills parent communication paperwork! I guess to a point it's "fair"! He is missing work today to go with OW to fair so 8 hours covers wat he will miss 8 will be overtime that's what bothers me is im working extra so he can go out but if I don't we won't be able to pay bills!
Went to IC today. Starting to feel a lot of resentment. I need to distance myself before it gets out of hand. He did call this AM I ignored him as I was in IC. I text him convo goes like this M: Yes? H:No flat tire this morning? Car drive any better any lights on? (he fixed tire on our car last night) me: (40 mins later after IC) No flat no lights still has shake H: It needs a tire M: which one H Right read now belt separated M: So ASAP need tire? H: Soon M:ok ill see if my dad can help me So nothing personal just about car. First time a convo has been this short and only about the point
After telling me today there is no need to hang out with me. Yep I shouldnt have asked anyways. Just frustrating he can make all this time with OW and yet not be home with me OR his kids. I talked very calmly and simply said I do whatever you ask when you ask, I have no problem helping out but I do not feel being told you do not need to hang out with me is showing the same respect. If it is that you are busy or whatever that is one thing but for you to say we are friends but you have no need to hang out with me is not showing very much respect for me. I deserve the same respect I give you. All of this came after I told him i was working 28 hours overtime next week so I can save because he does not want me here right? he said yes I want you to move. I said that is fine maybe I will stop helping pay bills then too so I can save. He just said ok then when I asked if he planned to hang out at home at all this week he told me he was going fishing tonight, racing and then with OW for a while then to truck pulls with OW on Sunday. Because he hasnt seen her in a while. umm excuse me he skipped work thursday to go with her to fair. What is going on with him???? We ML on sunday now he spends all week with her. Is this typical behavior? How is this A lasting while we still live together and she is divorcing her husband? Shouldnt she be getting sick of this? I dont know if I should stay living here as long as I can or if I should just move. I want to stay to keep working on me and financial reasons and another part of me just wants to out last her but I am not sure that is going to happen they are going on a year alread! How long can this A last? I need some HELP figuring out what i need to do. Do I just honestly stop talking to him unless he talks to me? Why is he so set on me leaving now when in March he practically begged me to stay? Why is he all of a sudden spending more and more time with OW? HELP ME UNDERSTAND PLEASE!
You need to detach and not worry about what H is doing, when where and with whom.
You ML Sunday?? so you are nonverbally letting him know its ok to have OW on the side and you on the other? Stop doing that ... like yesterday.
As far as how long the A can last ... do not put timelines on such things, nothing you can really do but keep your side of the street clean.
I would suggest you GAL, just as your H is obviously doing while you are keeping the home locked down ... start pulling back and letting your H really FEEL what life will be like without you.
