I am not trying to frighten you, heaven forbid. I am asking, not judging you. It isn't my place to do so, and I think you are reflective if questioned. You are a kindly thinking father that is why I ask.
What concerns me is "I made sure that W would be present to see the pain she is inflicting on her children by her selfish and deliberate actions. W held D9....."
Are you very sure that you did not try to punish W in front of your child?
My concern is for your D in this.
V
Re: "I made sure that W would be present", Sandi always says that in order for WW to snap out of the fog, she has to see the consequences of her actions. This is my rationale, although I definitely phrased it more harshly than Sandi had. I do think it is appropriate for W to see consequences.
As far as how sure I am that I did not try to punish wife...that is a tougher question. I am sure deep down I want to punish W. I am still dealing with anger and I am struggling hard to detach. that is no secret if you have been reading my thread. However, I gave my W notice the day before that we need to talk to D9. I explained my rationale vis a vis the timing of telling D9 (before I leave on my trip). She agreed that we have to tell D9 and agreed to the timing of telling her. At some level, do I want my W to feel bad? Probably. Although I don't know what is going on in her head, sometimes I feel like she doesn't feel anything. Like she is still in a complete fog.
But when all is said and done, I truly truly truly do *not* think D9 emerged from the talk angry at her M. I also do not think D9 has a sense that one or the other of us is to blame.
Parenthetically, I do think that eventually the kids will understand and have full knowledge of what happened, regardless of what I say or do. My plan is not to tell children, but also not lie. Not sure of the mechanics of this, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now, kids are not interested in talking about things at all. I think there is a lot of denial in our house despite the revelation of the D.
I am not sure I agree with it, but someone advocated telling the children, or at least not defending or covering up WWs actions. I think it was GeorgiaBulldogs on DeFacto's thread, but I could be wrong. It is a difficult question for me.
