Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[hopeOK]

I reread parts of the book just now, especially the infidelity chapter & no where in that chapter does she say to GAL... She says to do more things together & build the relationship back. She says to talk about the affair but spend time together not talking about it at all. She definitely says also to look at what caused the affair (ours was me withdrawing due to him being so critical) & address that.

I have two challenges with Michele's otherwise excellent books when it comes to infidelity. One is that there's only ONE CHAPTER devoted to it, contrasted with the anecdotal evidence on her own forum that would indicate it's present in well over half of the situations presented. And two, that the chapter deals almost entirely from the perspective of a FORMERLY wayward spouse, not a CURRENTLY wayward one. It's mostly about repairing the marriage and rebuilding trust after the wayward spouse has agreed to end their affair. Nothing really at all in there about how to deal with ongoing, secretive, or openly-unrepentant infidelity.

I hear she's writing a new book devoted almost entirely to infidelity. I hope she will clear up some of this, and I look forward to reading it.


Starsky

I would be interested in reading this as well. I am now not sure what to do since my H has made the efforts for transparency & wants to fix things. But we still have to talk out what that entails. I was hoping to do that when we had a bit more good feelings between us... Like during or after vacation but my anxieties has me questioning what to do. For example, today- texted at 4:03p to ask a question that I needed an answer from him on (non- relationship item). No response. Call him at 4:10 b/c there is a time constraint. No answer. Now it is 4:33p & still no response. Maybe he will say he was tied up in something at work or didn't hear his phone... Possible. But the fact that 3:30-4:30p was the typical time for his interactions has me feeling very anxious about his lack of response. Not sure whether to say I am worried when I do not hear anything from him (as we learned in our counseling to do) or if I just try to get over it and act like I do my care about his lack of response.