New here.

[little1]

Thanks caliguy. I know I shouldn't be there I was just wanted to see something happy.

Iwassup reading my Dr book and base that I had majorly backslid so starting all over again.

[Vanilla]

Little

This is not easy for you, I think you need some peace and some great adult GAL.

Reading, sewing etc are all solitary activities unless you join a club or group and I sense you are wrapped up in yourself because of it. I would love to read about coffee with a friend, bowling with a relative, shopping and getting some girlie giggles. A trip with the kids to see say Minions or Inside Out would count.

It seems like distraction I know that but if you persist just for a while, swimming club, mixing with mums at school, volunteering with a kids activity etc then some PMA will build. That may free some of the stickiness.

You are searching, asking great questions, so I sense you want movement.

Your WH is addicted to his A and he behaves in this awful way because he is. There is very little you can do to change him, only WH can do that. OW is a scuzzy to break up a family and be like this is truly unpleasant, these types of OW are pond scum, no worse than that and WH has traded down. His faithful W, the mother of his children and WH picks a scuzzy because that's what he does. There are various names, one poster calls her scuzzy the 'duck' , one of my WH scuzzies I called the Fishwife. It's what they do. You are worth 10 of these types.

This DB is for you Little, and for you to grow. Check Sandis guidelines, her 37 rules outlined in Cadets opening post to you. I had this printed and laminated and read and reread it.

Whatever the outcome of your M, you can stand for you. After one year of this, you are now amoung friends and Ralliced has had your back so far.

Hugs

V

[little1]

Thanks Vanilla I appreciate your input. I appreciate everybody's. This will probably sound bad but I have 1 more week til I see my doctor and get my meds. That helps tremendously.

I don't go out much due to my job and I live in a small town. I work in a jail so you can guess the type of people I run into or should say don't want to run into. And right now working nights sleep is some what of a "guilty pleasure"you could say. What little I do get.

I am going to print out the Sandy list as soon as I can so I can read over it. He is sorta talking to me so I keep going back to them reminding myself what to not say. I know I have to start all over again.

[little1]

Here is a question that I don't know if can be answered. Yes I know it's something I don't need to worry about it just popped in my head.

Our families know each other. We were all friends. So why do they support this even though when it started and now we are still married?

[Vanilla]

It is a genetic and relational issue, little. In most cases family side with family, also you don't know the stories WH has told, there will be a spin. Remember the 100% rule in Sandi guidelines? Believe nothing WH says whilst he is in an A and only 50% of what he does.

You may be surprised family may not be condoning but tolerating.

My WH family haven't communicated at all and recently one member of the family told me whilst they support WH and his new R, they are unhappy about it. But they accept it and hope my life turns out well. We have no children. I did not know WH had a 'new' R.

You are the gateway to their grandchildren etc so I suspect things will unfold in time.

Relax, breathe, you are amoung friends here.

V

[HurtJef]

Little,

I think every sitch is different. In my case, WW family is not supporting what she is doing. While they are helping her where they can,(FIL just installed an A/C unit in WW new place), they are not welcoming her behavior or even going out of their way for her. MIL calls me on a regular basis and still watches the kids in some situations for me.

They keep telling me not to give up on her and that eventually she will come around. Nonetheless, they have been very supportive of me and what I am going through.

Point is, everybody sees things differently and some families im sure just look the other way. Also I agree with V. You don't know what your WH has told them. My WW tried to tell everyone that I was an emotionally abusive monster to justify her actions.

She even had a group of customers all chip in and give her a 500 dollar gift card in a greeting card which read "We all wanted you to know that you have the love and support of your friends during this dark time in your life." I am sure these people dont know the truth....and they certainly dont know me.

[little1]

My MIL is the one that brought up MLC and says he will come out of it. FIL says he's happy (because H told him he was and has no intention on ever coming home. H looked him in the eye and was sincere). OW's family seems to have greeted him now with open arms. Like I said the OW's family and mine were all friends. None of mine or H's family live here so.

I went to breakfast with a friend after work this morning. Last night was rough at work but she did tell me no matter what I do she will support me even if I just needed a shoulder to cry on.

[little1]

It's funny how you guys said I don't know what is being said by WH. I just found out all ki ds of things he has told FIL and they are all lies. But FIL did finally say WH is confused. LIGHT BULB.

No more believing what he says without actions to follow. No expectations.

[little1]

Just journaling.

I keep reading Sandi's list and reading my DR book. I brought both to work to keep in my locker so they aren't found at home. One of the things in the book said during the 180, when you change something keep track of changes in the interactions. With as bad as my memory is right now, I bought a planner book so that everytime I change something I can log his changes. Like for instance. He had been angry with me for a while and the other day he kept at it and I told him that I was sorry he felt that way. However, when he felt like having a discussion with me feel free to text me and if I am available I would talk to him and ended the conversation. About 2 hours later his attitude changed and we started talking. I realized that everytime I tried to defend myself it made matters worse and why did I need to do defend anything about what I am doing to him. Then last night he asked me what was bugging me. I told him nothing why and he said I seemed odd. Hello donkeys butt, I stopped all questions about R and her and everything. We have been talking off and on since.

I realized today that I don't NEED him in my life, I Want him in my life. Too me that is a big change. I also know, no matter what happens, I will be just fine and so will my children.

[little1]

One of the things I found out today is that the OW told FIL she doesn't know why my children don't like her and won't give her a chance. I love the victim mentality. My DD15 was the only one that supported them in the beginning until the OW's true colors started showing and then she turned. She won't even admit this is an affair.

1. Do all OW's play the victim?
2. Do they EVER admit or feel guilt about their part in this?
3. Are they all this controlling?
4. How can they be so happy and proud of themselves with the wake of damage that follows?
5. does any of the damage caused ever catch up to them?

I have seen emails and messages between the two of them. She goes off the handle about everything. His work schedule changing, he and I talking, the kids, money he gives the kids, everything. As far as she is concerned me and my children can drop off the face of the earth and then and only then would she be happy. And then to tell that to my FIL? She has been caught in so many lies that it is unreal and she still wonders why my children dont want anything to do with her.

I know not to fixate on her and him. I just thought maybe if I could journal it here, when I think about this I can find it easier instead of going through all my written journals.