What can I say...when myself is going through so much challenges right now.
I totally get what is happening to you. Your heart aches because she did and is doing all this crazy stuff to you. Your heart aches even more because she did and is doing it all to your kids.
In the same time your heart aches because it is a person you were sharing life and the most intimate talks, feelings. A R with so many years and so many kids is a naked R. And now it is all gone and destroyed.
By one hand you feel bad about what is happening and just want to be away from her and try your best to deal with the new reality you have.
By other hand you keep seeing this person miserable, destroying herself, crying every day and building up a high level of depression. You are the one that can see all this, but you are also the one that does not have any control to make things better.
So, it leaves us like some vitamin shake, it's all mixed up together, It's not bad for us, it feeds us to make ourselves better.
I understand the whole GAL just for RD that is not happening. Take Jim's situation for example, his wife is with OM and seems to be OK for now. In our situation it is always dealing with the crying, I'm unhappy, lost, I want to die, pure depression syndrome.
In the same time you know your kids, and you know that they are going through a horrible pain, that they need to cope with the destruction without even being asked if it is what they want.
So, most of the time it is easier and more enjoyable to share time and fun with the kids. It somehow fulfill our hearts with peace. We are family people and we do family stuff.
So I totally get what RD is doing. Now, RD can do some small stuff for himself. Tell us if you got a new shirt, new sunglasses. Tell us if you exercise and what it was. Tell us if you had a beer with a friend, just to chat. Tell us if you punched the pillow, if you cried.
We want to know more to learn what RD is doing to keep himself healthy, positive, content, hopeful.
I admire and love you with all my heart RD. You are an awesome person and a wonderful dad.
