Thanks RD and Toots, you both have been following my journey since the beginning and know that I have been working on myself and to some degree my detachment.
H is not someone to be with right now and maybe in months to come. Right now it is not about R, it's about a H, but it's about a human being.
I always said that I am a faithful person and I believe in God. With that said, it's easy for me to think it is my call, that I got it from the Holy Spirit and hear my call to help him now.
H does not have any family here, everyone is far away. He also does not have many friends, his fault but non of less he is on his own, no one is there for him. Maybe that is why it is so hard to disconnect and feel right about what he is doing.
It's hard but somehow he is making it a little easier for me since this is not the man I want to be with. The H I got married years ago is a different person.
Today, I was home when he came to pick up the kids for his company picnic. H told me some story that happen to him earlier today. He met some homeless guy in his way to get some coffee in the morning and this man told him that no matter how hard it is right now, that things will be resolved and he will be OK.
H told me this in tears, said that it touched his heart and made him feel better. IDK, but all what I see is him trying to convince himself that he will be alright when the truth is that he is just living in his roller coaster of emotions.
I feel good tough. Maybe even better because my decision to help the person the did hurt me the most. It's healing for me.
And in this journey I feel I have a lot to learn yet. Never tough about all of what is happening, but this is my reality now and I will embrace it.
Maybe once I get H back to his own self, I decide to take that vacation to Ireland and have some time out riding bikes and drinking a cold beer with RD. Not bad uhn?
Love you guys and tomorrow night when I meet H, I will be thinking about all your advices and hold strong to all the love you offer me. You are the best.
