Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[hopeOK]

H & I seem to be getting a bit more used to each other again (and not just being friendly neighbors) but I still have anxieties about what he is doing when he isn't around me. I also have anxieties about any time he is on his phone & find myself cutting my eyes sideways to see what he is doing on there (not wanting to overtly look like I am always checking on what he is doing).

I wonder what it takes to feel safe in a relationship? When we were working on the affair recovery before & had been through all the counseling, I felt a bit better... I felt pretty certain he was not actively in contact w/ the OW but I still had hard feelings to work through in regards to the affair. And I worried that another one would start up w/o me realizing it.

Now, I don't even know if he has totally cut off communication again w/ the OW... I want to ask & do intend to but I am waiting for a good opportunity. I still feel it is a bit too soon to get into much heavy relationship talk. And maybe I am somewhat hoping he will initiate it? Or he'll just come out & tell me that he has ended contact w/ her or something? I dunno. But if he doesn't, I will as soon as an opening presents itself. But not only the OW, we also need to talk about rebuilding the trust on both sides... I know I damaged his trust & he has his own resentments to work through.

So figuring out how to navigate this all on our own will be quite challenging, I think. I also wonder what he is thinking about all this. Yesterday when we were getting off the phone before we hung up he said, "I love you." I was a bit surprised because even when we were working on the relationship before, he would sometimes say this but mostly he would say, "love you guys" throwing me & the kids all together in one group. So not sure what to think of that. The skeptical side of me says- he is ensuring I stick around & doing/saying what he knows will work. But the hopeful side thinks that maybe he hasn't strayed too far from me during his past 6 week struggle through anger.