7 weeks in feels like a lifetime.

[Lynn80]

Perfect timing! I am still here and have found that I just wasn’t wanting to check in. I finally decided to post again and found your response! I’m sending you some extra love and gratitude for your response and hope things are going well at home.

Some really amazing things have been happening. I am warning myself to stay patient as I now want this OVER!. He has continued to pull away from the EA. Seems that she is really crushed now and occasionally calls him. He shared ( and gut feeling is I believe him) that he doesn’t want to talk to her but is not able to ignore her calls. He asked for more time and patience on her needs. It feels like he is trying to right the wrong of how hurt she is. He is still worried the new me is not here to stay and wants to move out. His response was that he wants to see if he wants to be in our house or not. He has been saying how easy it would be to just step back in and he doesn’t want to do that just because it is easy. He wants to make sure he wants it. If he misses it, then he knows he needs to work on it. The part that makes me celebrate is that he has been unable to leave this whole time. He seeks me out in the house, comes to cuddle, initiates any physical touch, compliments me on new clothes and my new shape (down 30 lbs). I recently had to travel for work and was gone for 5 days. He ran out to meet my son and I in the garage, helped us unload the car, and then came to visit me three times that evening just to chat and be close. I have another work trip all next week and am looking forward to see what else develops from the space.

Here is where I am stumped… in his request to move out, he still wants to be present at the house every day. He usually has our son after school, for dinner prep and we rotate bedtimes. Dad wants to still get son every day, come to the house and make dinner and help with bedtime. Once bedtime is over, he wants to go sleep in an apt. When I asked if I should hire a babysitter for the dates I am out in the evening for August, he said no. He would be happy to come spend the night at the house. So…………… do I draw the line and if he moves out he only sees us on his days (which makes my life harder, puts more space, and doesn’t enable him to see all the changes) or do I allow all this grey area? Part of me wants to make sure he knows he ‘cant have it all’ but drawing hard lines and making threats DEFINITELY does not help the situation. Things to ponder. He has made comments about if I don’t throw a fit about him moving out it will really prove the new me is here to stay.

I keep reflecting on your statement that until your H drew the line you were still in/out. In the past, when I have drawn the line, he will lean out. He is definitely leaning in with his actions and heart, but his mind and words are still very uncertain.