Help and support appreciated

[West1]

A huge issue that I am milling over. Over and over in my mind is money.
W has told me how hurt she is, and that she feels like I am flaunting or trying to bribe her back into our marriage because I was able to get a loan to pay for her lawyer, which I didnt want to have to do in the first place.

She is mad because I had gotten a loan from retirement to shore up bills and keep from defaulting on car and house and phone and other bills.

I am still not doing it right. I have 5k, 2k i need for her lawyer, I said I would give her 3k of the 6k i originally got, then changed my mind when she left and I got served divorce papers.

Would giving her the original 3k I promised, that was hers to begin with because it is half hers still be right to do, or be seen as a bribe?

She do3snt believe I can be trusted, or believed to keep her s3cure, thinks that whoever comes along will just make me stop caring and forget about her. Financial issues have always been a problem for us.

She supported my career, we built my credit, things were in my name, sh3 handled finances, but we never seemed to get it right. Bills were late, utilities late, always feeling like living paycheck to paycheck.
We never did anything to build here because she believed she would be with me forever and I would support her.

She said you must doubt my convictions, because you know I finish what I start, and I dumbly replied, what about your conviction to our marriage for better or for worse.

She started shutting down and not responding.

Then said something about how we dont want anyone around our daughters, but know its inevitable. Said she wants us to raise our daughters the way we wanted.

I dont want her to have to work so hard and miss out on enjoying our family, our kids and life, that is always why I worked so hard to make sure she didnt have to worry.

In the end though, i became selfish, because I felt like I gave up everyhing for my family and was becoming self absorbed.

She gave up her home, and her job to take care of our kids and trust and support me in the life we built together, now she has nothing, no trust, no security, working part time, no credit, and I keep trying to push it all back on her, saying it is all still here.

Is there anyone that has been successful with inhouse separation, recovery from affairs, when she says she does not want to deal with my hurt and love me, wants someone that she do3snt have all the history with, the expectations, the hurt, the joy, the sadness, the pain,?