Lou - get a roommate to share the apartment and expenses. Look at the Mr Money Mustache website for ideas on how to trim your expenses so that you can start a little savings. You're wise not to tie yourself down to a longer lease at present. Take some time to build up a little nest egg, then you can decide where to go in the future.
I don't really want to get a room mate as I don't intend to be here much longer so it would not be fair on them. I am pretty much down to the bare minimum of everything, even don't have much furniture as we could not afford it. My bills are low as I am at work most of the time, I dont even put the heating on!
Originally Posted By: kml
I'm sorry to hear about your father and brother - why don't they respond to you? When did your troubles with those relationships begin? Do you have cousins or aunts/uncles you could reach out to instead? Sometimes family iS a comfort, but then again, sometimes it's the friends you make that are LIKE family that really become your family over time.
My father can't be bothered with me, I am the girl and he is all about his son, the one who looks after (lives off) his business so that he can live abroad. My brother; we fell out when I went to the UK to stay for a while to get over h, his psycho partner ripped shreds out of me verbally and threw me out, he just stood by and watched, he is completely afraid of her, in the end he asked me to apologize, I did nothing wrong so said no, and he has not spoken to me since. The village we lived in backed me up and helped me out, saying she is crazy. I don't have contact with any other family, they are an odd bunch my family, its of no loss to me I assure you !! Yes my girlfriends are fabulous, I could not have made it through as far as I have without them, I am humbled to have them in my life. Unfortunately most of them are in the UK and the NZ ones are now scattered around, I do make friends easily and have a couple of good ones here, but not "true" girlfriends who I would remain in contact with when I move. Thank goodness for skype and internet !! I don't talk about h much, they are all of the opinion that he is the devil and I should go find someone else who deserves me lol.
Originally Posted By: kml
As for your H - I think you're handling your interactions with him well, although I would have left him wondering a bit about his question about whether you had been with anybody. He doesn't need to know you're trusty Plan B, always waiting. It's be good for him to have to worry a bit about the possibility of you dating. Maybe next time he calls, cut it short, saying you have to get ready to go out dancing with your girlfriend. That'll make him think.
Also - be aware, this may only be a brief moment with your H. He might pop right back into his tunnel, or decide it's better to move on to casual sex with young tramps. Don't let him derail you from keeping the focus on YOUR life. If he's sincerely coming back, HE'LL do the work to make that happen
Last week h and I were talking about honesty and building trust again, we agreed on full disclosure - anything I want to know he will tell me, no matter if he thinks it will hurt me or cause me to walk away, and the same goes for him. He has been as much as I can tell honest with everything so far, even adding things in that I never asked about. He has asked me several things and I have been honest with him, it goes both ways. Some of the things he has told me has stung and I have tried to remain detached from it and not dwell on it, knowing that he is seriously messed up (admitted to by himself), he does not recognise the person he is and hates himself right now. He knows I go out, he also goes out, tonight he took her kids (and most likely her) to see Minions at the movies, he gave the information freely, he said he really wanted to see the movie but felt weird, an old man going to a kids movie - dodgy ha ha, so he borrowed her kids. I know about it, he is free to do as he pleases, including hooking up with randoms, but if he does that and I find out then its bye bye Lou. He knows this and that is why he is working with the shrink to find out why this has happened and hopefully cease the crazy thoughts and needs. He does want me back but is afraid that its not real, its the crisis talking, so as it stands we are a only a possible.
I am very aware that this has to come from him, he is scared of everything right now and keeps looking to me for stability, I know that I am possibly his safety person and that is what is keeping us both from going any further. He is working with a shrink to unravel this mess, it will take time and he has asked me repeatedly to protect myself from him, to keep moving along with my own life. I am trying hard to carry on when I have no clue as to what to do next in my own journey, I seem to be at a point of "nothingness". No ideas are coming forth right now. I know they will, they always do.
