Summer of Growth and Acceptance - Part 2

[V2pt0]

Thanks for checking in, E!!

Ok, first off, I switched my profile just a tad to be safe. Feel so horrible for Matt.

As for me, I have been super busy with work travel and GAL, so I have only briefly been on here since the weekend. Sunday, H and I had a discussion about communication and how I perceive him as angry. He claimed he us not and thinks he has just been friendly, but then he did admit to being angry about a few things.

He let me know he is upset that my family is coming to visit. He said it was insensitive of me to not to check with him first and to not think of the extra stress that them visiting would cause him. How could I think it was ok to invite my family when we are having issues? I should have gone to go visit them instead. Note, I did send text asking if he foresaw any issues and he never responded. There is only one day that he is impacted by their visit, so I am not sure why it is such a big deal. The majority of the visit is while he is away traveling for work and we are leaving the state! I just validated that I was sorry he felt the way that he did, but they are my family and I think I should be able to have them visit if I want. Did not really apologize. I said I need to keep living my life and I was not going to sit around all summer. I said I don't have the luxury of my family living here like he does. He seem to get really upset about the continue the living my life part. He was very sarcastic and said, "oh that is perfect you go live you life." Also brought up making changes for someone else comment I made a while back. That us like the third or forth time. I don't understand, if he is so bent on us not staying together, why does me moving on rile him so much. He certainly us not making an effort with us.

Honestly, I was just flabbergasted by the whole conversation. I don't think I was out of line having my family visit. He seems to think everything I do is insensitive. Can't seem to win one way or the other with my actions. Honestly, I think he just wanted to make me feel guilty about something. I did not really STFU, but he was poking at my family. Instead, I brought up the fact that he did not asked before he decided to bring OW into our home and he did not seem to care about the subsequent stress it has caused me. I actually stayed relatively calm when I said it. I was just royally irked by his comments. He proceeded to immediately say he thinks we should D. I calmly said it was a shame that he felt that was the way to deal with our issues and that was not what I wanted, but I would not stop him. I was surprised by how unaffected I was by him saying this. I think partly because I was expecting it at some point and to be honest it did not come out as if he meant it, but rather was trying to divert the conversation. A bit later, I asked if that was really what he wanted and he back tracked a bit. I think he expected to get a different response from me when he said it.

He is not sure why I care that he had an A. He said, what does it matter to you? I would never have found out about A if he had not confessed when I asked if he was having one. Huh?? This part of convo, particularily the why do I care bit, got me emotional, so I got up and walked upstairs and broke down. Of course he followed me and asked why I was upset and said lets go back downstairs and keep talking. I said it was the most painful thing to happen to me and broke my heart into pieces, so yes, I care. Keros trying to insulate I have no idea what has happened in house or with regards to A, like he us baiting me to say. My lips are tight on that one. I am not sharing details.

After the first bit, the conversation took a calmer turn. He said he is not telling me what he is thinking and feeling because he thinks I hold on to what he says in a particular moment and I don't understand his feelings and thoughts are constantly fluctuating. He said I will bring stuff up he has said at a later point in time. I validated, but also asked for clarification. I did not understand how I have done this and asked for example, but he did not really give one. He has said, this twice now so I need to be cognizant of it. I don't think I realize I am doing this.

We ended on a casual convo about how stressed he is with work and how he has no personal time even to give me his time. I validated that genus super stressed and I said I was sorry it was this way. I am sure there was more, but those are the highlights. He just seems all over the place with what he says. Anyone have thoughts on me having my family here?

Oddly enough, I have felt very detached since this last conversation. Not sure why the shift. The past three days I was away on business and had a great time. H has been much more pleasant since he as been back. He says good morning and engages in at least a little talk.

Heading out for vacation tomorrow!!