Hello

[714Dad]

got a text from my wife. long story short it was about papers i needed for the mediation thing. she then called and i went outside. i tried my best to validate but she said i sounded weird and she wished i'd just sound honest.

she got mad again and said "do you know how many times in all these years i wanted to have a calm discussion. and now you can suddenly have one."

i said i understand it must feel annoying and i wasn't trying to irritate her.

she asked why i didn't just call her about the kids or the papers or speak directly to her and i said i was giving her the space she wanted.

"you know this divoirce is going through right? i'm not changing my mind. we both agreed on that?" i said i understood it was going to happen but that i didn't agree with it.

i said how could i claim to value her opinion and then tell her that she couldn't make a decision like that?

i did, (sigh), say that the main thing i prayed for was for her to finally be happy regardless of how this turns out. that seemed to make her more upset.

she is very angry about what she has now made into years of neglect. in reality i was neglectful, but in a dopey stupid way. not vindictive.

i tried so hard not to say sorry, and not to sound weak or odd, but it still came off as artificial.

she also commented on how i'm living it up in the house alone, i get to see the kids most of the day and then i get the house alone at night.

and that i seem happier than ive ever been. (LRT working?)

she seemed genuinely upset but still intent on the divorce.

she asked why i never was like this before when it would have mattered and i said, "i can only be the person i am now, i can only be the person i want to be." and she asked why i couldn't do it when it mattered and i said "there just wasnt a catalyst i guess." she sarcastically said "so i should have left three years ago."

so drama.

i stayed calm, but sounded fake.

my heart was in my throat.

seeing a lawyer tomorrow.

pray for me.