I think I have started this 2-3 times and have either been interrupted or decided to just nuke it.
So things are still progressing with the W and the attempt at rebuilding.
We discussed the 'Friend' a bit last night. Came up in a separate conversation where I had stated that W and I tend to discuss things but never really settle on an answer so it just 'sits' and is never actually resolved, something our old M was famous for .... I listed some past examples then she asked for a current one ... and I brought up the 'Friend'. Apparently W had told him about the Full-Transparency and now he feels a touch weird and 'afraid' to make contact with W knowing I have full access and knowing all about the A .. he does not want the OM label nor a H who is trying to repair the M upset with him. (Smart fella as far as I am concerned). I again stated I did not want to disrupt a friendship, however reading a book W suggested I pointed out this was a good chance for us to "define my expectations"
I basically told her the open and honest boundary was a building block for me, to start to rebuild our trust that was completely destroyed .. this goes both ways, just as the Full Transparency. It did get a bit heated but long story short I think we ironed some things out ... the 'taking a lunch/dinner' with the person of opposite sex topic was center stage ... and how we agreed prior to our issues (MLC) this was never a concern .. it does need to be addressed, I recommended a 'heads up' approach, not asking for permission but a "I am going to Salad-Sammy's for lunch with X tomorrow" just to avoid any miscommunications, or misunderstandings as I told her if I got word she was at lunch with some guy and I did not find out about it from her first .. there would be a misunderstanding, something I would prefer to avoid ... revisited the OPEN/HONEST area again ... seems talking things out this way worked well.
There was a point during all this that things got a bit heated. W spewed out something along the lines of her and I met young and never experienced other people (Ummmm that 'A' elephant winked at me) I got a bit hot after that line and formally apologized to her for being faithful for 25 years. She backed way down and told me I never had to apologize for that.
I was expecting to grab my stuff a few times during all this, but we talked through it ... put S to bed and actually talked about good/positive things in bed (something her IC has made a staple ... no bad vibes/fights in the bedroom) She woke me up with a kiss on the cheek and a back rub, I had to figure out WhereTF I was for a second ...lol.
I have been doing well, remaining calm and seeing she really is trying ... knowing those tests she pulled on me here and there, I have done the same, not thinking about it but yeah ... I have tested too. I also have been more aware of not punishing her constantly for the A, though at times ... yeah ... its always there. I want to move past that, her place is full of triggers I am slowly processing through .. one at a time. And just when I think .. ok not bad .. a new one pops up. I had told her about 3 weeks ago to remove anything OM related, even told her if there was some nighty she bought for him it needed to go. I had left with S to go swimming and when I returned she told me everything was gone. I noticed the box of condoms she hid in a box in the closet was no longer there ... so I felt a bit at ease, other than the Christmas tree he bought that she admitted is to heavy for her to move .. I will gladly dispose of that myself. This morning I was ironing my shirt ... had to move a box to plug in the iron ...in the way A little Victoria secret bag, empty but had the receipt dated Nov14 ... about 5 items .. 4 thongs, yeah ... I used to ask her to wear those for me but she refused. So I didn't get mad ... I simply took the bag and tossed it in the bathroom trash. Pretty sure she will see it but its not something I feel we need to discuss, in the past .. no good can come of it.
We actually are communicating better, there are far more "I feel" and "I" statements going on rather that "Let me tell you something about you that YOU don't know" accusations. She woke early and we took a nice walk together. She is working on being more affectionate ... however the STD thing is definitely a roadblock, however for me its more about the A and that demon I am still trying to get over. Slowly ... its getting better.
Our 3rd Post session this week, one I am seriously looking forward to, and it couldn't come at a better time ... Forgiveness and Trust.
As far as me .. GAL still going on, Softball will start up in a few weeks and Football is in full effect, I played 3 games last Sunday and was so sore for 2 days it wasn't even funny. Work is good, have a lot of side projects going on. I have been tending to the new plants we planted, cooking, taking walks and honestly just enjoying the beauty that God has surrounded me with .. I am truly blessed.
