Kids are back East with W for a week. This will mark 2 weeks without them.
I continue to GAL, dinner with friends, movies, gardening, distractions to keep mind focused on other things and to strengthen me.
Good news is that I found my D hamster who escaped her cage. She had been missing a week! I put flour on the floor next to a food dish and tracked her to the closet. Hah!
It still feels that W will pop up around the corner or if the phone calls it's her. It's not. I felt the same way when my father passed away, I thought he would turn the corner any minute.
When do these feelings ever end? Perhaps never, I guess I just have to get used to them, push them aside, box them up, and carry on.
I want so badly to "help" my W. I would do anything, counseling, doctors, therapy, anything. In my mind she is in crisis and I believe can see it and feel it in her. She doesn't want anything from me on that level. I have to respect her wishes. Maybe I am the one who needs "help".
She states that I feel it's "All or nothing" meaning marriage or nothing with her. She stated that I see no value in her as person, only as a Wife. I don't know how to respond to that so I haven't.
I struggle with maybe I should be friends with her just to make it easier, at least I would be able to see her and be able to talk with her. But then I remember that she has thrown me away as her W and that the crumbs she would throw me would eventually hurt me and damage my self respect.
