What Do I Do Part 2

[u-turn]

I am jumping in to agree here. Living together while trying to achieve that detachment level that you need is really really hard - I know. There are so many dynamics that work against it. Just the daily schedule with no break, the kids, "normal" family activities, meals, reading into every movement, word and facial expression, the temptation to snoop, and on and on. It all makes you focus on the situation too much.

I believe the only way I have come close to detaching while living together is by doing what is actually not recommended here. I had to become cold toward her, I had to become distant and only focus on me and the kids. Am I lovingly detached, it doesn't appear so, but I have removed myself from being affected by the pain. Am I detached - maybe on most days - it takes a lot for me to be moved in any direction by W.

But now I see this level of detachment as a step toward D because I feel very little for W. Not where I wanted to be, but it is where I am.

So - I feel that a physical separation may have helped so much more than trying to work through this at home.

just my .02