7 weeks in feels like a lifetime.

[lovethehub]

I'm sorry I take so long between posts...I have a son with a medical condition that is requiring a lot of time right now but I know how hard it is waiting to know what to do. You haven't posted in a few weeks so I'm not sure if you are still here...

YOU cannot fill the needs of the EA and, as hard as it will be for you to watch, when it ends he will mourn it like the loss of any relationship. It took me a long time to get over OM even though I wanted my M to work and I was working at it. I would still have periods where I would miss him, I would cry that we couldn't be together, etc. It can also be harder because it isn't a relationship that has gone through bad times, you still only see the best in each other but you know you have to end it. You can become mournful and feel it is a lost love. None of this means you don't want to be with your spouse, it is just natural to mourn the ending of something that made you very happy.

What you can do is continue to have PMA, continue to GAL and, when you start to do things together try to remember what it was he was missing in the first place and provide that. Did he think you took control too much? Let him make choices. Did he think you were aloof? Be warm and friendly.

Let him take the lead and even when he first starts initiating contact, give a little and then pull back. It is not game playing, you just cannot overwhelm him when he is uncertain and you also need to know it is for real and that he isn't playing you. I did not completely cut off contact until I really new my H wasn't kidding and that he was no longer going to be there. All of the "I'm done" but then he wasn't did not make me end it.
You will know when you are 'done' which can change to 'not done' if you are done and he realizes what he is losing.