I kicked him out. When he came back to get his stuff he was high as a kite and assaulted me and my mother. Neighbours called the police. He was convicted of domestic assault and received 18 months probation and a no contact order for the duration of the probation. It hurt like hell, because I knew without the drugs he could have been a good man. I had to let him go and find his own path. He quit his job and last I heard he was couch surfing (basically homeless). Very sad!! But a I got over it. It took me a long time. What if I did this or said that. Now my situation was extreme. I would observe and see if she is abusing her prescriptions. There are many fail saves that pharmacies and doctors now have to help addicts in the making.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I think you need to read the chapters after those about the 7 steps. Start with chapter ten (I think) about infidelity, the Last Resort Technique, MLC, depression, and other problems in the MR.
So sorry she has so much health problems. It can really take a toll on a family....and especially the MR. You may want to consider talking to a DB Coach about your specific problem.
Has she ever had similar behavior in the past? Do you know why her first M ended?
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Meanwhile her behaviour has been increasingly strange for her, goign out 2-3 times a week until 2 AM +...etc where before she might drink once every few months.
So her illness does not interfere with her going out and drinking till 2 in the morning?
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She gets home last night and I go out to help her with her bags, her car looks like it has been scrubbed down clean on the inside. she rushes inside and dumps her dirty clothes out (which all smell like smoke) and only spends a few minutes with out broken arm son before leaving the bedroom to do who knows what. Right now I'm suspicious that she didn't even go to DC but maybe went to FL to see that guy. And if that is true...she ws having so much fun ther she couldn't drive back ASAP to the hospital?
If she is a WW, then no, she couldn't wouldn't drive back to the hospital. Based on what you've said here, it doesn't sound good. If she went all the way to FL to see another man, then the EA has probably gone to a PA. Brace yourself.
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I know I'm not supposed to think about the Affair and what the spouse is doign with them but IT IS FREAKING HARD. This past weekend our son went into surgery and she didn't even come home. I have NO idea who this woman is anymore......
I don't believe anyone is capable of not thinking about their spouse being in an A. Maybe what you mean is not obsessing about it, which would be nearly impossible when first discovering it.
This woman is not the girl you M.
Have you read the threads on help for the newcomer LBH who has a WW? If not, I hope you will take the time to read it. I came here eight years ago as a wayward wife. I am still with my H and not only was my M saved, but so was I. Although my heart can feel for your W, I also know the dark side she may be going down. You will not recognize her. I'm so sorry. This board can help you as you make this journey. If it can help a WW like me, who wasn't wanting to stay in her M......it can certainly help someone who does.
Take a long, deep breath, and hang on tight.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Have you read the threads on help for the newcomer LBH who has a WW? If not, I hope you will take the time to read it. I came here eight years ago as a wayward wife. I am still with my H and not only was my M saved, but so was I. Although my heart can feel for your W, I also know the dark side she may be going down. You will not recognize her. I'm so sorry. This board can help you as you make this journey. If it can help a WW like me, who wasn't wanting to stay in her M......it can certainly help someone who does.
Take a long, deep breath, and hang on tight.
Sandi may I ask you if you are religious? From remembering your story I do believe you are...
Today my WW made the comment that the harder she tried to do the right thing the harder Satan worked on her until finally she gave in and didn't care anymore. (Sounded like an admission to me)
She then said rambled about it being my fault for being mean to her and that she is trying to find her way back but that she definitely doesn't want to be married to me. The more I brought up religion and not giving into what Satan wants, the angrier she got with me. Probably the angriest I've heard her in months.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
I think you need to read the chapters after those about the 7 steps. Start with chapter ten (I think) about infidelity, the Last Resort Technique, MLC, depression, and other problems in the MR.
So sorry she has so much health problems. It can really take a toll on a family....and especially the MR. You may want to consider talking to a DB Coach about your specific problem.
I'm thinking that it is a good idea too.
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Has she ever had similar behavior in the past? Do you know why her first M ended?
There was another EA 6.5 years ago. Her first M ended with her H having multiple A's (which is why I thought she would nver be capable of doign that to me.
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So her illness does not interfere with her going out and drinking till 2 in the morning?
She pays for it, in fact she ended up passing out at the hotel during her girls weekend out, hit her face on the floor, really messed herself up. (trying to keep up with the heathly friends type thing)
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If she is a WW, then no, she couldn't wouldn't drive back to the hospital. Based on what you've said here, it doesn't sound good. If she went all the way to FL to see another man, then the EA has probably gone to a PA. Brace yourself.
I'm figuring it has, but right now i just feel hurt but not like wanting to yell at the world type of thing...just like ok...found a note she had written to herself on a doodle pad "i love guy from A" also found a receipt for a package sent 1.5 weeks ago to the guys town in FL.
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I don't believe anyone is capable of not thinking about their spouse being in an A. Maybe what you mean is not obsessing about it, which would be nearly impossible when first discovering it.
This woman is not the girl you M.
Have you read the threads on help for the newcomer LBH who has a WW? If not, I hope you will take the time to read it. I came here eight years ago as a wayward wife. I am still with my H and not only was my M saved, but so was I. Although my heart can feel for your W, I also know the dark side she may be going down. You will not recognize her. I'm so sorry. This board can help you as you make this journey. If it can help a WW like me, who wasn't wanting to stay in her M......it can certainly help someone who does.
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Do you mean the 37 rues thing? I have that printed and highlighted! I also read some of the links Cadet had posted. I still need to read the rest of DR but had no chance with her back from "DC"
Thanks a lot of the advice you have already helped me a lot from those rules!
SO I have proof she went to FL instead of the her doctor like she claimed...now what. What good does this do me????? I'm going tp rpint it out for the lawyer but right now I'm so confused.
Is this something I even want to salvage??? I have no idea if she right this minute had a 180 degree change of heart that I would even want her anymore. I keep thinking of her staying in FL with the guy when I'm sitting in the hospital, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital praying it will all be ok.......while she is doing who knows what with someone else. She could have been there before he even came out of sedation if she wanted do but she didn't CARE enough.
Honestly I know it would be wrong but I want to tell all the kids I want to yell it to the world to expose what a crap ass person she is. He
I'm so sorry to hear that. Please just breathe!!! Vent here! We are here to listen.
I'm SOOO UPSET but my son is still awake so I'm just screaming inside, she went to bed thinking she is sooooo CLEVER not realizing all the stuff she was doign to hide her trip there was what got me to start looking ANYWAY!!@!#!@#@!@#!@
I know what sandi said about them behaving crazy but her kids have ALWAYS been first and to think that she could sit there in a hotel or the guys house while our son was in the hospital???? WTFFFF are you serious....
As a mother I will never understand that. I would have walked over hot coals to get to my hurting child. *hugs* Let this sink in and don't confront her.... Don't really know what advice to give you....any vets still awake? Just know that I feel for you.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
As a mother I will never understand that. I would have walked over hot coals to get to my hurting child. *hugs* Let this sink in and don't confront her.... Don't really know what advice to give you....any vets still awake? Just know that I feel for you.
As a father that has known her for 10 years you said it exactly, she would have done ANYTHING for our son or my 2 stepkids. Now...who is she?????
I want to confront her so bad but what good will that do? wake the kids up freak them out? I know I'm not going to do it but I'm printing all things now and goign to lawyer on Friday I think. If nothing else just to see what the heck I need to do next
