So a brief update: I got confirmation today that stbx is dating the coworker who is 10 years younger than him (and me), and with whom he's had an inappropriately close friendship for years. Every time I expressed discomfort with their friendship, he acted offended, got defensive, "she has a boyfriend, for crying out loud, Claire!" That kind of thing. (That's what the kids call "gaslighting", no?)
Anyway, I feel strangely at ease. I mean, at least I'm not as crazy as he made me out to be. My gut instincts were right. And, what chance did our marriage have when his heart and mind were with someone else and I was in the throes of a mental health crisis, home with a baby. Of course someone 10 years younger with no responsibilities would seem more attractive.
Kind of icky on both their parts, if you ask me. I wonder when he first realized he had feelings for her... was it when he asked me to marry him? While we planned our wedding? When I was pregnant? Or when I was suffering from PPD and out of my mind?
He's bailed on the last two weekday morning visits with his D, most likely because he's spending time with OW. (I have some evidence to support that). He is very content to be a part-time dad. And he's living in la-la land with OW.
Whatever. I'm trying to find some compassion, but right now I feel a LOT of anger. The realization that he basically left me a LONG long time ago makes it hard to feel anything but disgust for both of them. Gross.
I am ranting like a child right now, but just need to get this out of my system. I continue to hold my head up high. And while I want to call him out, or embarrass him publicly, that is not in line with my values. He has to live with himself. And she has to live with him. And so perhaps, if I look at it that way, I am doing pretty ok.
Oh, and I turned 40 this week. Happy birthday to me! Had a fun time with several fun mini-celebrations. Had some sad moments-- stbx and I met exactly 10 years ago, right before I turned 30. Sigh. Thanks for listening.
