Hello, im starting this new thread since the old one had some personal info.
Been married 14yrs, have 2 kids, married civilly not through church, ILYBINILWY July 2014, D bomb 2014, moved out 05/15, at the time said we had nothing in common, I always angry, never appreciated her, says we got married because she got pregnant, says we are not "really" married cause its not through church, I drink too much.
Within the past year, I went to counseling, anger management, took several classes, stopped drinking, joined a gym. I tried asking her about counseling before and she didn't see it going anywhere since we went before and didn't do much for us.
Fast forward, she has her own place, I kept the house, she says she is more at peace, calmer. Sees some of my changes, doesn't ask personal questions or interested in my life, doesn't like me asking personal says we are not together and doesn't have to tell me anything, I'm still in contact with kids exchanges. She goes out Saturday nights, something she never did in 14years, she has friends she sees and talks to also something she never had or did, shes very secretive and guarded.
Me, I need to learn to detach; took her out to dinner this week for her bday, she kept checking out dudes in front of me, shes always had wondering eyes, I didn't say anything but its very uncomfortable, I feel like a "friend" and I don't want to be her friend I want to be her husband, we are separated, not legally, hasn't filed for D, I pray everyday, I'm GAL.
She moved out beginning of summer so the kids are happy to have 2 places, hasn't hit them yet, waiting until they go back to school then it will hit everyone of us.
She's drowning herself in debt, which is soon going to affect me soon since I'm on her CC its an individual but added me. She's looking for a better job since the one she is in is far from where she lives and is unhappy since she begin working there. I think she is going through depression but I cant tell her that.
I'm hurting inside each and every day, some more than others but everyday I hurt so I try and stay busy, hurts to not know what she is doing, whom she is talking to, etc.
She has distanced her self so much in the past few months, stopped communication, texts, good mornings, good nights, etc.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/23/1512:36 AM. Reason: remove message
First things first... you need to protect yourself and your finances, legally seperate as for every dollr she spends on her new life doing whatever it is she is doing you are paying half ... in a sense you are actually financing her new lifestyle as you sit on your couch.
My W and I agreed on a separation date during Mediation .. this could have potentially saved my A$$ as unfortunately for her she cleaned out our accounts before this agreed upon date, (Legally would have had to pay back that portion) and then she racked up about 35k in debt (Again ... debt I was not obligated to pay)
This did play a small factor in the turnaround for my sitch .... moving forward as far as I am concerned our finances will continue to be separated OR I will be the one controlling them (180 for me here) regardless.... I will have a much better handle on where we are and where we are headed. Lesson learned the hard way.
Our finances are already separated, the Credit card is under her name and I was added a while back, I gave her back the CC when we separated but it still shows on my credit report.
I want to work things out and have talked to her about having better communication but she just doesn't want to talk, text, etc. its almost like I don't know who she is.
I feel so weak right now, Im going through the text messages from only 2 months ago and its like night and day, the really nice messages, good morning, good night, asking about me, etc. and now nothing.. almost like Ive been replaced, we've been together for such a long time, its VERY hard on me right now. Even my kids are different....
Our finances are already separated, the Credit card is under her name and I was added a while back, I gave her back the CC when we separated but it still shows on my credit report.
I want to work things out and have talked to her about having better communication but she just doesn't want to talk, text, etc. its almost like I don't know who she is.
Until you have a legal separation document ... no they are not ...hence why it shows on your credit report, Your W's spending will take you down along with her.
I would close that CC with a quickness, get a legal Sep Doc in place to protect yourself.
Also, Ive been asking her to join me to do things with me like going to church, walking, taking classes etc, but she always said maybe some other day, etc, now her friend is in a similar class and she mentioned she wants to join a class with me but I don't think that's a good idea? is it?
Also, Ive been asking her to join me to do things with me like going to church, walking, taking classes etc, but she always said maybe some other day, etc, now her friend is in a similar class and she mentioned she wants to join a class with me but I don't think that's a good idea? is it?
I had just started to read up on your sitch a bit ... ... Why are you pursuing here?
As far as the 'friend' .... what good would come out of that?
