I understand your thought process right now, I had my doubts about this forum for a while also. I would read so many threads of people accepting D or things not working out. Its even harder seeing how many threads are created and unknown when you compare it to how many success stories there are. I have noticed those stories that are going bad continue to post where those that seem to get better stop posting. I think part of moving forward in this process is accepting that D is a very real possibility and nothing we can do may change that. Its just the reality of this situation.
At one point I wondered if the entire point of DB was not to save the M but to get us through this painful time and accept that the D was inevitable. The truth is when we get to these forums, no matter which, the chances of things turning around are already very low. I believe by following through and doing the DB work we have the best possible chance to save our M, even if that chance is still very low.
Its hard to say for sure where any one person's stats for D are. We see the overall rates but those don't account for every situation. Yes, second and third marriages are at higher rate to fail, but I wonder how those of us that actually do the DB work fit into that. We know those in A's as second M's are at a much much higher rate to fail (nearly 100%). Its also very likely those WAS's that walk away and ignore their own issues will have more issues in later M's. This is also true for the LBS who doenst follow through with DB and jumps ship when they are out of the pain and just want to move on.
The way I see it, those that stick around through the hard parts and do the DB work are at a much lower rate to fail in second M's. Doing that mirror work on yourself and understanding the parts of the M you were responsible regardless of what the the WAS/WW does is the best way to avoid issues in the future. I don't think most do the work for DB the right way, they use it to try and save the M instead of saving themselves and stop as soon as they are in a place to move onto a new R. I wont be that person, ill be the one to fix myself as much as possible so I'm ready to make my second M work or to reconcile with my W if that time comes. I don't know for sure which that will be, I hope its with my W, but either way I will do everything in my power to use this time to improve my future.
This was just my thought process and how I came to the conclusion I was in the right place.
Last edited by Fogg; 07/22/1507:02 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
