XW's fog lifting, wants to work on fixing us

[gogofo]

The XW and I talked more last night. We started out without R talks, but transitioned to it. We both brought up issues and surprisingly she owned up to things she never did before.

Things like not communicating what she wanted/needed. Treating me unfairly when I didn't know, or when I did things that showed I knew.

We talked a little about where we go from here. She had ordered three couples' relationship workbooks for us to work on and work through.

It seems she is finally cognizant that she also failed our relationship, not just me, and she knows it needs to change.

I feel different this time. I don't feel the anxiety and panic I felt all the time while S but still M. There is no feeling of being scared to ruin everything. I brought up things last night that I was scared to talk about when M. Basically I feel healthier and stronger. I don't need her or the M to feel this way; before I was very co-dependent on her and the M to even feel normal.

Thanks for the well wishes and words of encouragement everyone.