Hi Ha who. Some interesting discussions with your H! Early on in our sitch, it was evident to me that H would have liked there to carry on being some kind of 'us' while he carried on seeing OW and worked through whatever confusion there was.
A year on, it is evident to me that this past year would have been a nightmare had I stayed in the mix. As it turns out, it has been quite a pleasant year in many ways where I have my own little place, some new friends and activities and so on.
All of that happened because I made my own very clear decisions about what I would and wouldn't live with. Those decisions weren't about trying to save our M, they were about trying to save my sanity. They may actually have harmed our chances of R - IDK - but I do know that my H respects me and I respect myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - don't go round in circles, thinking he SHOULD experience this or that. Flip it over and think - purely for yourself - what can and can't I live with?
You can then tell him very clearly what situation you will and won't tolerate. There has also been a dynamic in my sitch, where my H has wanted me to agree to things - so they are 'ours' rather than his. D was one. He wanted me to file, so that he wouldn't feel awful filing. I have clearly told him I respect his wishes, but D isn't what I want and so I won't file...
I think it's important not to get too drawn into his 'scrambled' view of the world and maintain your own pure perspective on things.
Good luck! x
Last edited by Toots; 07/22/1505:43 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
