I was too busy trying to win him back. The OW lives across the country so it's not like I had it in my face. I told him early on that if he slept with her we'd be over but then he did. He then used that against me and said that he would never say that to me. Then I said, "All women say that but I'm still here aren't I".
Wow -- that's interesting. Can you see what happened here? "A", you didn't enforce the boundary you set, and there were absolutely NO CONSEQUENCES for him violating it. But then even worse, "B", he flipped it on you and tried to make YOUR boundary (and a perfectly reasonable one, too -- basically "I will not live in an open marriage") the reason that HE was now pulling away from you? Really??
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He keeps talking about moving out. I really don't want him to. I'm starting University in the fall and so is my son who has Aspergers. Financially and emotionally we need him here.
And he knows this, which is why he's continuing to do what he's doing. As long as you're conveying this neediness, he's not going to change. What steps can you take to reduce your dependence on him? I know this sounds harsh, but what would you and your son do if your husband were suddenly killed in an automobile accident? You've got to start planning that way, I'm sorry to say.
In the meantime, you need to come up with some boundaries that you can and WILL enforce. Because when you set one and allow it to be violated, without consequence, it then becomes even worse than if you'd never set it at all.
