Two months ago we seemed slightly better. There was more texting and more physical contact. I understand the logic of initiating physical contact can be viewed as pursuing by W. And if she wants out that could push her.
This is a big deal in your approach. You must be able to give her space when she needs it. That includes not initiating physical touch or words or acts. Use your best judgement here and bebhonest with yourself about how things bare going. Youbknow when your wife needs space.
I am contemplating reinitiating low key non sexual type physical contact. Part of me wants to wait for W to initiate. That may well be the DB way. Eight months ago when u really started trying to save marriage I reintroduced thus as it was lacking in our R. So regardless of how I felt or other factors there was this contact. Although rarely initiated by W it was never refused and readily accepted. I'd appreciate yer wisdom and thoughts on this. I guess I see thus as putting positive energy in without expecting a return.
I know precisely what you are saying Herr. There are no gimmicks as you know. You bread on other boards about certain types of touches improving her willingness and the like. That is really just crap. Here is my opinion: The biggest issue I see with my marriage and, from what I can tell, yours is resentment for all the years of her needs not being met. I remember feeling how all I felt like was an ATM machine or a butler in my own home and feeling anger growing whenever I was asked to do anything more for wife than I already was doing and getting no appreciation in return. Now I take myself and put myself in her shoes. How she must have felt after years of her needs not being met snd me 'asking/initiating' for physical intimacy...how angry or used she must have felt. How easily an aversion she could have developed to me even coming near to her. It is this that must be overcome and that can only happen with trust and with her believing that you want more from her then just physical intimacy. To her core she must believe this and you must be genuine in your approach to show her...across the board that this is how you truly feel...that you want all of your wife not just physical touch. Does that make sense?
This will be hard to figure bout what her needs really are (in addition to figuring out how to provide them and work on yourself and give her space and ....well you get it)
it will tske time, but i know you are willing to go that distance for her and for YOU! Keep going Roiste!
