So I went to IC last night before i pickes up wife to go to gym and store.
Biggest pieces from session:
He loves how much time I am spending trying to find 'me' and learning how to be happy. He warns not to forget about all of who I am ... Try to be whole (dad, employee, husband).
We spoke about my interactions with wife. He felt that our interactions were way more positive. Yes espcially with wife wanting to do more with me. He said that it sounds like, with my positive attitude, listening, nurturing, etc. I am (trying to remember exactly how he put it) a constant state of posturing of invitation. I took that I am making myself someone who wife would want to come to and I have been welconeing her when she does.
This all led into the conversation of enmeshment / codependency. We spoke a lot about how my actions of trying to be a whole person are key. He even said that doing things for wife is ok as long ad imam not severing parts of me to do this. Make sure imam not supplicating myself to try to please her. Make sure I am not compromising who I am and what I am doing just for a chance that she may come close. Make sure that I am conscious ly giving from a place of love instead of trying to get something in return. (I am paraphrasing here, but that was my take from that).
Lastly we spoke for some time about my anxiety at work. After much digging he found my trigger. It turns out I have a deep trust issue with what I've been seeing with wife (as I ambsure she is with me). Ok I get that. Then here it is...when I start thinking about that thingsnturn to a place where I am convincing myself that ultimately it is ME that will eventually have to leave my family and file form divorce because I don't want to live in that state forever. My needs not being met and lied to and all of that. As soon as we had gotten to that point I was calm and collected. He kept digging and digging then boom, yearns and anxiety. Just like I felt at work.
He said I will need to try to allow myself to feel that fear and tell myself, yes. Against my core beliefs I may have to leave my wife. I then accept what I am saying to myself and say that whenever that happens I will be alright. Then I look at myself and say, I am not ready to give up and will keep going so it is not today that I will leave.
I will certainly try it.
Thank you all for hearing me...I did feel better after the session. E bob & roiste as always you guys keep me afloat and moving forward. BW thanks for reading up, I can't promise exciting stuff but I can promise long drawn out threads and lots of misspelled words
