I have to agree w/Bea's question...what's stopping him from moving out and getting his own place and living there permanently? Is it because he's afraid to be on his own, doesn't want to spend the money, likes being at home w/you doing things for him? What's stopping him? Do you have any idea?

He can't have his cake and eat it too. Once he's moved, he stays there and doesn't come home like a college student. Sounds to me that he's acting out like a young adult and wants to return home to mom for comfort and being taken care of for a few days and then off again. He actually needs to learn what it's like to live on his own and do for himself.

Also, you asked if your depression cost you your marriage. I am going to say NO! Even if your h were married to someone else, the crisis would have taken place. Keep reminding yourself it's the childhood issues that are raising their ugly head. Your h would have had a crisis even if he were a monk, priest, single, etc. He didn't develop good coping skills many, many years ago.

I do hope that things settle down for you so that you can enjoy your vacation. Hopefully he will figure things out and if he does move out for a while...it won't be the end of the world. He just might come to realize what he had at home and will do the hard work to come back to you a whole man...but that could be a while since he does sound like he needs to grow up.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.