Ok - talked to H about R. Bea, my MLCer knows exactly what he wants. He wants to first thing he proposed.
Gist: he thinks I am a fabulous, smart woman, best he has ever met. But he feels nothing romantically. Later he also said he feels he just does the same things over and over again & is bored by life; but he has not put together that he is depressed.
He says after BD he needed to "put himself back together." Find who he was. He thinks he has done that again.
He now remembers he did love me once. But last 10 years were (still) horrible. We should never have been more than friends. He said I must have felt the same way as I never came downstairs at night after BD. I reminded him that he said he was "done" and we agreed I would give him time and space. He said "oh yeah."
We touched on my depression. I remembered that he said I needed help, that he needed me, that we needed to fix the M. I explained that I was in a fog and couldn't get out of it. I told him that he had little to do with it. I had issues to clear and I have done that. He said he can see that I am back. He said he missed talking to me. I know he is seeing changes. Even our conversation tonight was different.
His solution: the ever popular MLC option - he gets an apartment! (Job-I did warn you that this apartment is important to him. Something to do with his childhood.) He thinks we are patterning a bad marriage by him being downstairs. He will stay at apartment a few days of the week (a funny hunch tells me on the weekends?) and then (here's where I get REALLY lucky) he will come stay with us a few days! I assume I get to cook and clean up after him. He knows the kids will love this plan, too. He will co-parent.
Meanwhile I can't bring any men to the house. (His mother brought horrific men into his childhood home.) But I should date. According to him I should do this while I am still "young and beautiful." And although he'll be a touch jealous he will babysit for me. I am so lucky!
He asked my thoughts and I said Rs are work. Everyone who has the white picket fence works at it. (He said we just couldn't have the white picket fence.) He asked what i thought of his plan. I said I need to think about it.
He did admit that he can be difficult. That he has always needed a lot of space. That he always had a touch time sharing anything and had to learn that. First time he has admitted such things.
Meanwhile we are going on vacation all together. I am going to be the best me and show him all that he will miss by giving me up.
He is not going to have an apartment and come here a few days. He has always wanted to CAKE EAT.
Did my depression cost me my M? What do I do now? Help!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
