Hello

[Train]

714,

The reason you want to know if your W is in an A is because you have to "AB" (Affair Bust) before you DB (Divorce Bust). There's one chapter in DR devoted to infidelity whereas an entire book could be (and several have been) written about infidelity alone.

I won't go into too much detail since an A hasn't been confirmed in your case, but if your W is having her emotional needs met by another man, there's not a *thing* you can do that will change her mind right now. (But there ARE things you can do to get her attention.) And, yes, as Starsky said, supplication is the WORST thing you can do if you want to have any hope of this thing turning around. Supplication is very unattractive to us girls. We like confidence, conviction, decisiveness.

If a M is ending because two people have turned into glorified roommates - which I'd say is the exception and not the rule - then a few simple, consistent changes alone may make a big difference. Look nice and smell great? Sure! Cook dinner? Absolutely! Do more chores? How sweet! But if another man is involved and you're doing those things, any "nice guy" stuff makes you look, frankly, pathetic to your W. Especially if she's judging you by another man who looks more confident and masculine.

Finding out about a possible A also helps you make sense out of something that's not making a bit of sense.

Whether your W is in an A matters a great deal, actually. But we can get into that if you decide to confirm and find out that maybe there's someone else who's been meeting her needs (even a "good friend"). It's also just good for us to know what we're working with so we know how best to advise you.

I know you feel destroyed and hopeless. We've all been there. We've all lost our appetites and cried during movies. We've all lost unreasonable amounts of weight in very short periods of time. We've all lost sleep and felt like we were living in some crazy warp zone. We've all blamed ourselves wholly for the breakdown of a M that includes two people.

In other words, you aren't alone.

And I hope you listen verrrrrry carefully to Starsky and follow his impeccable advice - sooner rather than later.

I'm sorry you're here.