Looking for advice and comfort

[PT33]

Hi everyone I have been reading posts on here for about 3 weeks. I have read DR and have spoken to a coach 2x now.
I have started applying the principles and need help staying the course. First I guess I should tell you my story........

I met my wife Oct 2010 and we got married Oct 2012...Fairytale romance. FYI we are a lesbian couple.
She was the perfect partner, treated me like a queen.
We were perfect together and so happy.
There really had only been one reoccurring problem, me wearing my ring and being out at work.

It was hard for me since I work in the medical field and did not want to be judged by my patients.
I was hoping she would eventually understand that, but she never did.
That it was not about her, not loving her, or claiming her(not being claimed was something she told me after this all started, I guess she has felt that way in past relationships).
Everytime we would argue it was about this, so like every 6 months.
I guess I just kept hoping she would understand. We never really would come out with a solution.

She compromised and said wear it on the weekends. To me the situation was or shouldn't be a big deal because I showed her how much I loved her everyday.
To me a ring is just a symbol.
In Oct 2013 I took her to a halloween party my co-worker threw ( I told her and showed her wedding pics etc), but my other co-workers didn't know.
I didn't mean to ambush her when we got there, but I told her that they didn't know yet so I would introduce her as my friend.

She got really upset and it took awhile for us to move past that. She said not to put her in this situations anymore.
After that we resumed life and were happy.

She told me that she wasn't happy around june 2014, I was crushed. I couldn't understand why she wasn't happy.
She listed some things I could do to improve this (make her tea at night, not spend as much money) At the time I was dealing with an injury and I got a little depressed because I have always worked out and been really active so I was buying things (shoes etc) not big expensive items.
Things went back to normal... Later on I realized that should would burying her feelings because she did not want to upset me, so she slowly built resentment.
I realize now I was unapproachable because I would get upset and cry (one of things I have worked on) Communication was one of the biggest downfalls for us.

Then end of March 2015 we did a 5k with my work, I had told everyone at work except my boss.
We were driving and she asked if she was my friend or wife today. This was the straw that broke the camels back according to her. At first the fight was the same as the others in the past.
I thought things were going to be ok, but then it was like something flipped in her.
That same week I did everything to fix the problem.
I told my boss and wore my ring to work, but it still didn't help. She got worse and worse.

We went to couples therapy right away, but the first lady was horrible and basically chose my wifes side.
It was at that time I also went IC.
My wife was inconsistent with going to couples counseling (cx because of work etc). She would stay away as much as possible from our house and me (staying for work dinners, dinner with friends etc).
The end of April I also found out she was talking to someone.
I overheard her talking late at night.
(I moved into the guest room by this time) I checked the phone records and she talked to this person at all times, late at night, during the day for hours.
I figured out it was someone she had met at her new job a month ago.

I was devastated, because everything pointed to her cheating on me. I confronted her and she said it was a friend that was straight that was going through a divorce. She has denied any affair, emotional or physical up to this point. I want to believe this, but it hard.
I have chosen to believe her because it doesn't really matter at this point.
I know she still texts, but she separated our cell counts mid may.
We went to a few sessions with the new couples therapist and one day she says she wants a divorce.
I felt like my life was over....

I beg, pleaded, everything your not supposed to do.

It was like I didn't know this person, it was someone completely different.
I felt there was nothing I could do.
I took down all of our pics in our house (beautiful wedding pics). She left me a note wanting to talk in the morning.
In the AM I told there wasn't much to talk about other than logistics (selling house, splitting dogs).
She asked where the pictures were and I asked why did it matter, she said because they were her pics too.
I told her I didn't want this divorce (balling by this point) and that she could file the paperwork if thats what she wanted.
She said there was other options and that we would go to therapy and talk about it.
So I will stop here and continue in another post