Okay...let's dissect how this type of communication can be improved for the next time.
W now objects to swapping kids every other holiday. I said that's how it's done. And thats what the court will order.
W - Lets just let the mediators handle this and then she hung up on me.
Do you now see how you shot down W right off the bat by pulling out the "court" card? A hard door slam for sure.
I would have asked, "What are your concerns about swapping the schedule around the holidays? How can we work out a schedule that is FAIR to the two of us? Let's be clear: it is important for the kids to have holiday time with our respective families."
In a way, I have to agree with W on her perspective here. Why can't you two just discuss and work out a holiday schedule among yourselves?
By pulling out the "it's how it's done, that's what the court will order" just comes from a place of anger.
Do you see this now?
You are arguing back against W. You didn't bother to validate her at all. You were very dug in on the "court" issue here and the convo went downhill from that point. A non-starter.
If you had taken the first approach and W still stubbornly refused to be flexible, then yeah...pull out the "it's a divorce and that is what the courts will do" line on W.
