Thank you Jedi. I have been doing a 180- actually a few of them- very successfully. When the counselor asks H if he has noticed (I don't bring up the term 180 or DB, it is my "secret" but it does come up in counseling that I am responding to H's concerns) H will say "Yes, but we will see if she can keep it up..." or he will bring up another criticism instead.
I am wondering if the counselor is doing a "MC" version of DB. He told me in the beginning that H couldn't handle traditional MC and that I would have to do most of the work. He gets excellent reviews for dealing with men with anger issues. So I wonder if this is his technique- get H to feel comfortable with him while getting me to change. At some point it will have to balance out. Or maybe he is just really on H's side and thinks I deserve to be cheated on and yelled at? How do I know? Every time I leave there I feel worse. And for me, the worst part is that every time I leave there I know H goes and reports back to his parents that MC said I am controlling, or MC agreed he deserved his affair, etc. And then they tell me how terrible I am. So I feel like H, the MC, and the inlaws are all ganging up on me. At least EA isn't ganging up on me too anymore. At least I don't think so.
Has anyone heard of a counselor doing this? Is this a real technique or did I just find an angry incompetent counselor? I will update tonight after counseling. Maybe I should make an appointment to speak with him about his technique and where it is going? If he really has a plan and he thinks it will work I will go along with it. I told H that I have my doubts and maybe we should consider other options, H just said he likes him and didn't say anything else.
OK, I will update tonight. I will stay calm in counseling and speak up about my concerns and where this is going. And maybe start finding recommendations for other counselors.
