It's been over a week since my last post. I believe on some level I just don't feel like posting. The idea of jotting down meaningful thoughts to decipher how I feel and where I should be going has felt exhausting. But I did have my kids for 11 days as a solo parent so maybe that had something to do with it. We went camping and rafting for the first time, did a lot of puzzles, playing and had fun. I think a lot about what GB said about the 6-9 month PTSD-like window (6-9 months after D), and I definitely feel that. Time to step up and move on.
Towards the end, I felt bad for the kids as she did not reach out to call them Fri, Sat or Sun. I realize I shouldn't be mind reading or guessing, and I try not to, but I find it very disheartening for them. She did send me a text last night in regards to D4's health. I responded and kept it short. She did not respond.
I'm doing well on most levels. I met a congresswoman the other day in regards to a startup. I also met a very pretty lawyer intern, we had good conversation spread over about 3 hours. It is fun to meet new people. On the other side, I have to pick it up in regards to keeping up with the house, more importantly working out, and getting into a better routine when working from home without the kids. Also, money is tight and I've been feeling that crunch lately. To compound the money issue, vacation with the kids and family start Saturday.
It was disheartening to read about Matt tonight and how his STBX felt manipulated. I think if I didn't read that I wouldn't be writing now. I can see how the X/STBX would feel manipulated, b/c we (the hopeful) are devoting so much thought and effort to something that hinges around their life. HOWEVER, the end goal we are pursuing is mending a family, which I believe is a noble cause.
People who have followed me, know that I struggle with STFU. And often feel the urge to be heard via writing letters to X. I have written many. Most of which are burned now or logged in these threads. I've been really contemplating writing one, but honestly see no benefit. Approaching her on any level just seems futile (whether to discuss coparenting or give her a letter).
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
