Hello

[714Dad]

Regarding an EA or even PA, anything is possible. Again though, her comments like, "I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship again" etc. and other behavior don't seem to add up to an EA/PA.

My IC I went to for a year (and just recently changed) suggested a A of some kind to me due to the rapidity and severity with which she left and said 'divorce.' But the more I read the more it seems like she began 'leaving' several years ago and that was just the time for her to go.

Like many it's so strange to hear that these 18 years have been emotionally unhealthy, that the woman you love so much isn't in love with you, or that she's 'freeing you from this unhealthy relationship.'

If she is in an EA/PA there's nothing I can do. I can only change or control myself. So while it would devastate me even more, it's not where I'm going to obsess right now.

I just can't believe how fast it's going.

And shes seems to be getting irritated that she won't be able to get out and start her new life as fast as she thought she would because I have to find a job and all of this other stuff has to be settled.

When she first said divorce she said she'd just sign the deed of the house over to me because there really is no savings to speak of. But now she's saying I'll need to buy her out of her half of the house. So I am a bit panicked about that.

Again, having been the stay at home dad for my girls means I don't have a salary history, or anything to start up immediately.

I can understand why this is happening, I understand how I made it happen over years and years of being emotionally unavailable, or angry, or unapproachable, but I still can't believe I'm here. Especially after a year of change, and of trying to change, and of getting better. A total committment to therapy and to implementing things when I could remember to do them. TO still have this happen.

I have DB and DR books on order and they should get here soon. I am finishing ...

I have started but can barely read ... mostly because I don't want to. It's so devastating to read.

My wife wants me to read ... which I still have to order. She started reading that in mid June after my outburst.

It's so strange to feel how cold my in-laws house is to me now. Whereas it used to be like a second home.

Thank you all and I will try to post more. I just have the girls to watch during the day and jobs to apply for at night.

and now I have the divorce packet to begin filling out.