As you have mentioned, you've had two BDs and still nothing has been resolved. From your postings, it sounds to me like your h doesn't truly know what he wants and he continues to return to the relationship and once he's been involved w/you for a while, he drops another bomb and wants to go off and do his own thing again. It's almost like he wants to keep you on the hook as Plan B just in case Plan A doesn't work out. I don't know about you, but I certainly wouldn't want to be Plan B and I certainly wouldn't want to have a third bomb drop after he's been back into the relationship, i.e., the revolving door relationship will only cause more emotional upheaval for you and your family.
If he is actually willing to work on the relationship, then he has to be willing to be transparent w/you now. He needs to be willing to show you text messages, emails, phone calls and be willing to share things w/you. I'm not talking about the past...but the present and the future.
At some point, a conversation will need to take place discussing where the relationship is headed and what is needed to make it work. It could be that counseling needs to take place, i.e., together or separate, but the revolving door relationship is not acceptable.
I'm going to leave you w/this...wouldn't it be better to ask him now what his thoughts are on the relationship than to wait until you are on vacation and in bed and he is making moves on you? This man has done absolutely nothing to earn your trust and respect. So, why be so willing to open your arms and take him back so easily? Yes, I know you love him and want him back, but don't be so quick to open your heart up again. Take things slowly and if he truly wants back into the relationship 100%, he'll do the work, work with you and communications will have to open and honest in order for both of you to heal and move forward from there. If he's not willing to do the work, he will drop another bomb and will be back to square one and you'll be here talking about BD #3.
Keep in mind...you and only you can determine when you've had enough of the revolving door relationship that is going on in your situation.
