Co dependency H Affair poor boundaries oh My

[Zues126]

Temperature checking will make things worse.
Arguments escalate things as well.
Ultimatums force him to follow through on words he may not have meant.

4, you need to slow down. You'll notice I have been saying things like 'take 30 days to research' and 'give these things some thought'. Nowhere has anyone told you to start making power plays or initiating conflicts that could have life changing impacts. Those are steps you shouldn't take until you're grounded. Your goal should be to get grounded.

That is why while I agree with Painter, I don't feel you need to do any of that now. You have the gift of time. Slow down and use it. By acting while you're unstable you come across unstable. You say he's being inconsistent by ML one day and asking you to leave the next, but you just ML one day and offered to move into the garage the next.

Oh, I know, you're playing the "but he said that's what he wanted" card...great, so now you're taking extreme action so you can throw that back into his face to try to get him to feel remorseful or wake him up or send him a message. That's emotional and controlling.

So- moral of this story- don't do anything, STFU, be still. Your goal is to detach, not engage in the roller coaster ride.

I will dig up a thread and copy it here that might help you understand better how to do this.