Having been in your situation, I would go with Vanilla's advice. My ex was nutso and so is her OM (husband now). I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say it has taken many years to get them off my back. I took a lot of cr@p to ensure my kids were well taken care of. And I kept my sanity along the way.
I am now at the end of that - my youngest turns 18 next month and there will be no more contact. But along the way I formalized the schedule and was careful to adhere to it. I was tested many times, believe me but I learned to not take the bait. My rule of thumb was to decide how it affected the kids before I acted and then to only act in their best interest. That helped keep me from being petty and or destructive many times. I'm glad I did it that way, although it wasn't easy.
Keep your expectations of her at zero. Literally. Do not expect any kindness or reciprocal treatment. If it happens, then so much the better, but if not, no impact and the kids will benefit from that. Immensely. And because of that, you'll be much more at peace with your choices.
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And then I wonder, if I get to that point, will I even want it anymore?
I wouldn't worry about that. I know you do because you can't see the bigger picture, but believe me, it won't serve you to worry about it and it'll only keep you stuck in the past. Worry about your kids and yourself. That's enough for now. And that's more than enough to keep you busy.
Until you can handle those things and handle them well, don't let yourself worry about the rest. Right now you wouldn't be in a position to deal with that anyway. You'll see that more clearly later. Trust me.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
