Hello

[714Dad]

I find an emotional affair very unlikely. She has always put our girls first and I don't think she'd risk something like that.

In her case I think it's just work. She wants to do something 'important' and she's in an industry where that can happen. She also probably wants to travel and doesn't want to be tied down to me anymore.

We met with a divorce mediator today. It was a free consultation but by the end she had already paid half the filing fee and she will file the papers next monday morning.

It has been barely three weeks since she moved out and to her parent's house.

I feel like I have time to do nothing.

When we left we stopped outside and I asked her to close her eyes, which she wouldn't do. So I just asked her to imagine a relationship where she felt validated, and cherished, etc.

I told her not to respond to me but just to please slow this down and think.

I handed her something I wrote as well, which was probably a bad idea, but at this point it feels like there's nothing to lose. Everyhting else with me has been LRT (extremely difficult with children involved) and acting positive and looking really good whenever we see each other for pickups and drop offs.

Here's what I wrote and handed her (and yes I know it was probably a bad idea):



M,

Stop for a moment.

Close your eyes.

Imagine a relationship in which you are happy.

Imagine a marriage where you feel validated.

Imagine a place where you are cherished.

Imagine a place where we are together in happiness.

Imagine a marriage in which we are both ourselves.


Imagine that place and feel it at your fingertips.


I am not asking you to stop.

I am not asking you to not file papers.

I am simply asking you to pause, to think.

I am asking as your husband and as the father of your children.


It is unfortunate that you only remember bad from something I remember as so fundamentally good.

We were young, but now we are older.

We were immature but that doesn't matter anymore.

We are who we are now and we can both choose to be happy, to be better.

We can choose to heal.


Imagine a Halloween where we take the girls trick or treating as we have before.

Imagine a Thanksgiving at our house in which we are surrounded by love and family and all the good food you make.

Imagine a Christmas of joy and love and Christmas lights. Calm and quiet.

Of Bing Crosby. Of A White Christmas.
Of the girls waking us up so that they can open presents.

Of crisp mornings where you can run early in the morning, gravel crunching under your feet.


Can you feel how close these things are?


You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to feel loved.

You must be yourself.

And you can be yourself here.

With me.


Imagine Paris.

Imagine teaching D and D the Metro.

Imagine Crepes avec Nutella.



I am not promising anything.

I am asking only for you to believe that we can heal.

That God will help us.


That you can be happy.


I cannot keep you here.

I do not want to keep you here if you are unhappy.

But I know you can be happy here.

I know, I believe, we can heal ourselves.

And have what we always should have had. (and we did have a lot of the time).

Love, kindness, laughter.

And if you file,

The girls will be alright because we love them.

I will be alright because I have hope.

I will work.

You will be okay and successful because you are strong.

But think and imagine,

I will work regardless, because I need to.

And,

We will go to Paris sooner with that income.

We will go to San Francisco within the year.

And,

We will sit together and watch D and D grow up.

We will each get to see them every night.

We will work together to make the future together.


Imagine a marriage in which you are cherished.

And imagine that the man who has always told your daughters that you are the smartest and most beautiful woman in the world is standing next to you.

Making you coffee, taking your temperature, holding you as D goes off to college.

This distance you asked for was not easy, but compare it to last year and remember. It is proof of my love for you. Because I cannot claim to love something unconditionally and then place conditions on it being near, or staying. Your happiness is all I have wanted to see for so long.

And if you truly cannot be happy with me, ever, I will accept that.

But please slow down and think. Consider trust, forgiveness, and healing.

It will be difficult, take time, hurt, and seem backwards sometimes.

But we can see it through.

I am here.