After my legal meeting today, my wife handed me printouts of all of my threads. She said that she feels manipulated, violated, played, and abused. I am sorry to her for feeling that way, and I understand that much of what is in my threads could be painful to read. I do not regret what I wrote anywhere as that is how I was feeling at the time, and I still feel that I needed a safe place to vent these thoughts and feelings. It turns out that this was not that place for me.
To my W, I will offer one final note of apology for the things that went wrong in our marriage. I didn't know how to show you how much I loved and continue to love you. I did not appreciate the things you provided as a mother, as a friend, and as a wife. I made you feel like nothing was ever good enough for me.
As for me, the changes that I have made in myself have been for myself. While my end goal has always been to reconcile my marriage, that does not impact the fundamental growth and change that I have made in myself as a friend, as a father, and as a person. I have so much more capacity for respect, care, empathy, and love, and I owe that to my time spent here learning from all of you.
While my marriage may be over, my life is not. I can leave this with my head held high knowing that I have done everything that I could to save my marriage. I will take the tools that I have learned here to be the best Matt777 that I can be going forward and apply it to whichever relationship next awaits me.
