Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

His latest-

"I tried to talk with you yesterday after my initial hateful housekeeping conversation. You started counting occurrences on me to let me know that you are keeping track or something. I don’t want to have my kids grow up in a broken home, been there done that and I don’t like the outcome. But I can’t teach you to think about consequences before you do stuff. Same thing with that deal yesterday. soon as I point it out to you, you get it. but it’s too late then. Like I tell people all the time, I can’t teach you to think critically. "

I don't even know what he is talking about with that deal yesterday. And now I've managed to get in an email conversation with him when I swore them off last week.

I feel like we will never get anywhere without professional help to go through all this with us... but he is adamant that he is not going back to counseling to cry in front of someone. So how are we ever going to make it through this? I am feeling like there is no hope. He has his hurts (and they are real hurts to him... he cried several times last night and never in our marriage before starting counseling this year have I ever known him to cry) and I have my hurts. It seems we are both holding onto them and not trusting one another. I am willing to do what I need to do to reassure him but so far there hasn't been anything I can do. He said last night- I don't believe you do any of this stuff maliciously. You just don't think. So how can I not be worried what you will end up doing to hurt me when you do these things without even thinking about it? And he also brought up again that I hurt him after going through counseling and after things were really going pretty well. So that shows him that even when things are going well, I am still capable of doing/saying something to hurt him.

Then of course he hasn't offered up any reassurances to me that he is not having any outside relationships. I haven't outright asked, but I think he knows I would want them since he snatched them all away.

This is just such a big mess ... I just don't know what to do anymore. I have an appointment to talk to an attorney on Wednesday over the phone.