Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

He just sent me this email-

"I’m going to be taking the phone tracking out of your spending $ going forward as well,starting with the last phone bill that I paid. Until September when I will be changing providers. Considered doing that now, but I don’t want to pay for it with the pending possible expenses."

I asked what tracking?

He said- "At&T phone tracking at 9.99 per month before taxes."

I said- you turned that phone tracking off.

He said- "Looks like you turned it back on."

I said- "Absolutely not. I wonder why you didn’t just ask if I turned it back on instead of reacting the way that you did?"

He said- "I’m certain that you are telling the truth. Must be why all the passwords were reset as well."

I said- "I got an email saying that the password was changed & so I went to see if I could log in. It allowed me to update my password (which after you set up that extra special code for access it did not allow me) so I thought maybe you decided to allowed me access again. I guess I was mistaken. But I wasn’t trying to do anything secretive… did it lock you out? You can look on the family map & see that I did not activate it. I checked it a few minutes ago before you locked everything back up again & it only gave the option to reactivate. "

So F*#k. We have gotten no where.

A little more detail that I have been pondering. Last night, while swimming with the kids, he picked me up a couple times to put me under the cold running water as a funny torture thing. He hasn't touched me on purpose in weeks.

Then before bed he said, "I'm going to have a bit of dessert before bed." Now having dessert together was a big thing that we used to do. But because he didn't ask me if I wanted to have some with him, I just said, "ok".

So basically he seems to be reaching, but I am staying the same. Non-responsive pretty much. Still friendly but not being pulled into his efforts. Could it be that he trying to find a way back in & I am pushing him away (rejection in his eyes)? He is not very good at communicating feelings. Maybe I am overthinking all of this but I feel like we're missing each other somewhere.

Then this morning, things went really south. I was looking at our bank account to see how much was in there after he took the $2000 out. I then was looking back at past withdrawals & saw that $1100 had been taken out & I got panicked. SO I went to H & said- did you take $1100 out of the account on the 26th? He thought the way I approached him was accusatory & he took the defensive. Then we discovered it was for the car repair that i knew about but had forgotten & he got mad at me. He went and sat outside rather than sitting with me at the table. So I did apologize if he thought I approached him in an accusatory way & I said that I was just a bit panicked about it & didn't mean to. He said he was probably on edge & read more into my question than he should of. Then he told me what would have been a better way to ask. So not all bad, but it did leave a bad taste in both of our mouths I think.

Ugh. I went to bed last night feeling ok about our conversation & where we seemed to be. I felt a bit more peaceful & had no trouble sleeping. But now I am going back through all of it & not feeling ok at all. Feeling a bit panicked again. So I wonder, did he get the message from me that I am not receptive to reconciling? We seem to be stuck in this pattern of not trusting one another and thinking the other is up to something and then accusing each other of it. Why can't we just be freaking straight with one another? It seems at this rate we are just going to keep going round and round.