Divorce Busting My Wayward Wife

[dwh15]

Jeff, I just read thru your thread, and your sitch is very similar to my own. However in my case, WW actually moved in with OM back in April. I feel your pain buddy. Be glad that you at least got some input from your WW on the things you did wrong. Mine still hasn't bothered to enlighten me, she just didn't want to discuss any of it. I have some ideas of course, but would like to hear the words from her mouth.

From everything I have read here, and other forums, I would say you are doing the right things. Focus on yourself and your kids, make those positive changes. It's a long, tough road ahead, but it does get a little easier with time. I've went almost completely dark on my WW, other than a few texts about kids every couple of days. No idea how she feels about it, but it's helping me detach, and making life in general a lot more bearable. Sounds like you are in a church, which is tremendous. Check out ways to be actively involved, such as volunteering. You will meet lots of great people and it really helps take your mind off your own problems.

Hang in there, and I wish you the best. I'll be following your thread for updates.

[HurtJef]

Thanks Dwh....i appreciate the support.

Im trying but from what I have been reading, it takes a long time to get to the point of detachment. Its hard not to think about her, or to stop reacting, even secretly to her actions or lack of.

Im still in love with her so I am trying to figure out how to do it from afar and be okay with it. I have been good at giving her space and not pursuing for the most part. She has always had a way of burying her emotions...me not so much.

I have IC today so hopefully it will help with the PMA. Usually does

[HurtJef]

Journaling:

Yesterday....my wife asks me to drop off the kids on my way to ic. She had to work at 6 so she would bring them home on her way to work.

She then tries to get in a convo regarding sd15 hating her and said that she had a breakdown the night before.(friday) i just validated her and moved on.

Then last night while she was at work, my s6 lost a tooth. He wanted me to send a pic to mommy....so I did. No response.

This morning I got up and went to church. Got home and took the kids swimming at the rec center. We were there all day. Had a blast with the kids.

Brought them home and now we are having dinner. No contact at all from ww wife since yesterday afternoon. Not used to this but I know its better this way anyways.

[HurtJef]

Journaling:

After not hearing from my ww since saturday, she hasnt left me alone all day.

This morning when she showed up at the house, i was waiting in my car so i could leave w/o contact, went to pull out and some old lady was taking her sweet time walking across my drive way, as I waited, i hear a knock on my window, ugh, almost like this old lady was a plant to make me stop.

I rolled down my window and my Ww asked me how my weekend was and if the tooth fairy came for d6. Funny, she didnt care til now. I said yes and she asked me what we did yesterday. I told her we went swimming and had fun. She touched my arm and said I hope you have a great day. I backed out of that driveway so fast. She was being very nice. I hate that wws can be so heartless and selfish one minute and act like your bff the next.

Anyhoo... Then she texted me that she needed our window ac unit for her place and wanted to know where it was. I gave that thing to my mom years ago and i am pretty sure my wife was the one who took it to her, whatever. She said there is no ac in her new place....i told her to check ebay and left it at that.

Then an hour later I get a text....back on fb???
I am not back on facebook but my account must have reactivated after the two weeks I deactivated it for. I promptly deactivated it again and did not respond.

Then an hour later she texts....I see you rearranged the living room...this is the way you always wanted it....looks ok.

My response: "Your car insurance is still due..you told me you would leave me the money in Friday."

Her response: can you just pay it and I will give you the money on wed?

My response: no

Her response: fine...guess i wont buy an ac unit.

I hope she gets heat stroke
I didnt respond.

[Defacto]

Jeff,
It really is crazy how a WW will just flip on a dime like that. It's like they are terrorizing us just for fun, right?

Just be careful not to come off as an a-hole. The LBS has to walk a fine line between friendliness and detachment. I think there are ways to get the same point across without seeming cold. It is really difficult to master however, to say the least. Fake it until you make it, friend.

[HurtJef]

Thanks Def.

I am trying so hard to be firm but not cold. Its hard when most of our contact it by text and intermittent at best. When we are face to face I always wear my PMA face and stay nice. I really didnt peel out of the driveway or leave any faster than normal to be honest. I just couldnt wait to get out of there.

When she is nice to me, I always feel like she wants something. Today it was the A/C unit. I always try ti remember that she was and still is carrying on an affair outside our marriage and that she has fired me as her H.

I dont want to enable her by "spotting" her bill money, or letting it slide by when we have an agreement......she can continue to drive the car as long as she continues to pay the insurance. So when I am a nice guy, i become a doormat. Like you said.....delicate balance.

Thanks for the input my friend.

[HurtJef]

Ok......so it continues.

I dont know why, but she has texted me more today than she has in a month.
And its all for stuff she wants me to do.

She has to be at work at 5:30 tonight and has the kids at her place today.

I work 30 minutes from my home and 45 from hers.
I get off work at 5

She texts me: You picking the kids up here?? I have to work at 5:30

Mind you....her place of employment is less than 10 minutes from my house.

I texted her: Please drop the kids off with Sd15 at my house...i will not be able to pick them up before you go to work.

No response.

Is she kidding me? She has got to be F'ing with me, right?

Oh, the life of a LBS

[sandi2]

When she is nice to me, I always feel like she wants something. Today it was the A/C unit. I always try ti remember that she was and still is carrying on an affair outside our marriage and that she has fired me as her H.

Sad to say, there's a lot of truth in that, when dealing with a WW. WW's are manipulative and extremely self-centered. Everything is about their feelings. It can even come before the needs of their children.

There will be several things to crop up that she didn't think about when she gave the BD.

[HurtJef]

Thanks Sandi,

I appreciate you chiming in as you seem to be the recognized expert on waywardness in these parts.

It is a very hard thing to balance when there are kids involved. I have read through all of the wayward "homework" that you have posted. I cant tell you how lucky us LBS's are to have your support.

Trying not to be a doormat while keeping the kids best interests at heart.

I'm also trying to not enable her life away from our marriage while still staying true to the DB program. It's tough not to just tell her to G.F.Y.

[HeavyD]

I second what Sandi says as my WAW says the same things - her FEELINGS are the most important thing. Screw the marriage and the kids - it's all about acting on her FEELINGS.

Like a dang teenager with their wacky logic.