I closed my previous thread with the following sentiment, teased out with Defacto's help: I get that there is no way to know how my W feels. I also realize there is nothing I can do about it, one way or another. What really frustrates me, though, is the fact that it affects me so much. It is just another reminder of how un-detached I am.
A case in point: I will be travelling for an extended vacation with my 2 eldest. In order to travel, I needed a notarized letter from my W, stating that she permits me to travel with the kids. i.e. that I am not abducting them. So W came to see the notary in my office today. While signing the docs, she pulls out a catalogue from her new jewelry business and gives it to our office manager (who happens to be the notary). She is happy, smiling, vivacious, excited and energized by her new business. I am fuming. It is not enough that she is D-ing me. She needs to solicit my colleagues, fellow staff, and friends to build up her business. I also feel jealous that she is so happy (read: without me). I wanted to tell the office manager to trash the catalogue. But instead I calmed myself down and called my sister - who is very good and calming me down - and came back here to vent. I suppose any money she makes will be less I have to pay her. Also, her business is considered an asset in the D, thus I get a share.
I am so bitter. I want to scream out to the whole world and tell them what she is doing. What is wrong with me? I think it all comes from a very bruised ago. From my previous thread:
Originally Posted By: RAI
It hurts to know that there is someone who really loathes you. I know that I should not care, that what others think of me should not matter, that WW has to loathe me to justify her actions. Still it hurts. WW is worse that a stranger. I can converse and be civil with a stranger. I can't bring myself to be civil with her and she is doing such awful things. I feel sometimes that I am no further along than when I first got to this board.
There certainly are a lot of feelings to work through.
