Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

I got an email from the cel phone company a few minutes ago saying the online access password was updated. Not sure what that is about. After he got so mad at me, he changed the password & restricted access so I could not look at the phone bill. He also cancelled the phone tracking I had on his phone.

I'm wondering if he is either ready to let me have access again & changed the password so he could give it to me (wishful thinking) or if he is just nervous I have accessed the account and is updating the password to something else to restrict my access if I found a way. Not sure. I guess I should wait & see if he says anything rather than forwarding him the email & asking him about it.

He also said last night when he was telling me about his plans for the financial situation, he also said that he would be splitting our cel phone accounts so that they would not be together. Why was he so back & forth?? Acting like we are moving towards a bad place but also talking like we might work it all out. I am so confused as to where he is.

While he's saying all sorts of things that he thinks will SOUND good (and sympathetic) to you, his ACTIONS are mostly those of moving towards LESS transparency, not more.

DB teaches us to measure a wayward or walkaway spouse by their ACTIONS, and not their WORDS. It is the BETRAYED spouse who should be taking more control of the finances, not the CHEATING spouse (and he's got that backwards), and it's the cheating spouse who should be more transparent, not less (and he's got that backwards too).

From where I set in the cheap seats, hopeOK, I see some good and some bad about the recent conversations and actions. The good part is, he's reeling and you've let it be known to him that you're not just going to sit there and be okay with him still being in contact with his OW. The bad part is how he's reacted to that, and the moves he's making. I see him playing on your emotions while pulling financial and secrecy strings to try to keep you from knowing his business.

My two cents.


Starsky

Yes! I've definitely caught on to this. I have mostly be thinking- well he is sending mixed signals but what is he showing me?? Other than me being able to access the account, nothing. And that wasn't even a "I want to reassure you that I am not going to be talking w/ OW so here is access." it is just from an email I got from the phone company that I don't even know he realizes they sent to me. So I am really just thinking of sitting back & waiting to see if he provides any actions to coincide with the positive things he said.