WAS or what (2)

[roist]

My W is not pi££ed with me per say. My reading of the situation is she us not happy with most parts of her life and being her H unconsciously or consciously I am viewed as the main source of that unhappiness. That is mind reading of course .....

I will experiment with the LLs. And I will finish the book, hopefully this week. I can't see me asking her to do quizes with me, at least not at this stage. Maybe someday if she initiates R talk and it is positive. I understand your logic and agree unexpected gifts with no expectations is great, but in my situation it is pursuit even if I buy something not wanting anything in return. I look forward to the day I can express my love openly and in all 5LL.

After that I am going to reread mars/Venus as part of it was recommended elsewhere on these forums.

Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do it won't make a difference to howvW feels. At times like that I feel that I should just say what I think, touch when u want to touch and at least act like we are married. Even if that pushes her away at least I would be true to myself. BUT here we are advised to do what works and not what we think..

Living together my W may never have the chance to gain another perspective. Although not what I want I feel maybe it will take a separation to save us. But if possible I would like to avoid that for kids sake.

I am trying to change the dynamics n our R. I will keep trying thing to improve R. But mostly I am focusing on figuring out what I need to be truley happy and what improvements I can make of myself. When I am truley happy that I am the best that I can be and who I want to be, I will re-evaluate things. I am nit strong enough to staying in a loveless marriage. I want to love and be lived. I am convinced that can be with my W, so I stick to the plan.

I am 100% sure that we can be happy and have a fulfilling R together. I am also sure that I can be happy without my W. I am sure i could meet someone else and start a new R with lots more wisdom and learning, but for the moment that does not intetest me. I am not sure if I will have the strength to give it the time necessary for us to work out. But the easy option of giving up does not feel right to me.

Today I am tired. I am always tired. I am tired being tired.