My criteria was my unwillingness to be sloppy seconds for anyone. I will not ML with my W until I am certain that the EA with the OM is over.
I will accept a hug from her, but I do not initiate it.
When she asks why I am not ML with her I reiterate the above and she usually gets mad. However, that is one boundary I am unwilling to move on.
I think this is a good boundary. Last night my H brought up my refusal... he was hurt by it & took it as me not wanting to work on the marriage. it was like he saw it as him reaching out to me to try and work on the relationship. I explained that I wasn't rejecting him, I would very much like to ML w/ him & that he is all I want. But while knowing he is in contact w/ the OW, I have to set that boundary. Why did I leave that conversation feeling bad?! I guess b/c I do not want to reject him as he does suffer from low self-esteem... but at the same time, it is not ok what he is doing. He said that he is not one to sleep w/ someone who he does not have strong feelings for & has never been that way. I guess this was supposed to reassure me that he has strong feelings for me?
Sometimes our wayward spouses' WORDS are very reassuring. It's at times like those when you have to try to step back and look at their ACTIONS -- are they also meant to reassure? To add comfort and security and transparency?
