Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

Every legal aid office is different. Where I am, I don't qualify to even talk to them because our income is too high. In other states, I've been able to get simple questions answered without too much trouble. Whether it's legal aid or an attorney, get some advice about your state laws & rights immediately. You have to look out for you & the kids. You need to know everything you can. Knowledge is power & that's half the battle.

If you're feeling anxiety at home, get out for a little while. Go for a walk, go to a park, go to the mall. Just remove yourself from the stress, it's amazing how just a few minutes of peace can do wonders for your mind.

Thanks for the info. I do plan to get an opinion about my legal rights. It will be better to know just in case we get to that point.

I thought you already had proof of a pa?

It makes little difference. Bottom line, he doesn't care and has no intention of working on the marriage. If he did he would be bending over backwards to work on it doing everything it takes to fix it. Basically years of hard work to win yiur trust back.

I can't advise regards the holiday only you know if you can hold it together. I had to live with my ex for nearly 2 months after I found out she was f@@cking someone else while she rubbed it in my face as I couldn't move into my rented accommodation. No doubt the lowest period of my life. Others have stuck around for a lot longer.
We all want to shelter our children. Bottom line you can live in an open marriage getting treated like a doormat and your kids will see this. Or you get ducks in a row, get support from your friends and family you lay down your boundaries with him and if he continues to disrespect you then you or him leave. Your kids will see this also and learn that you do not let people treat you like sh1t in life.
If he wants to restore the marriage he must be the one doing the hard work.
If he doesn't then let him go...why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

I had proof of a PA back when I initially found out about the affair, in February. He ended contact in March & we did a lot of marriage counseling and I thought we were pretty smooth sailing for a good future together. Then I messed up by saying some pretty damaging things to my sister about him (he read it) & we've been downhill ever since. He reinitiated contact with the OW but I have yet to have any proof that it is anything other than chatting. When I questioned him about it last night, asking why he got back in contact with her, he said he needed someone to talk to. I said- and you couldn't find anyone else that would be more appropriate? He said he didn't want to talk to any of his other options. Ugh. Not a good response in my book.

I thank you for your feedback & sharing your experience. I think you are right that I do need to have my ducks in a row for any and every scenario!

He is gathering up more things to sell. I said- you are selling all that!? He said - "yeah" I asked why & he said in case he needs the money. I said what would you need that money for? He said- "just getting ready for whatever you are going to do." So apparently he is selling things to get money for a lawyer... That is how I am taking it.

So am I to be happy to have him scrambling or scared that he is getting ready for a fight? I guess really I should not be worried about what he is planning to do... But that is hard.

I know that there's nothing funny about this, but I found it odd that you point out that he is getting ready for a fight by selling guns.

Just wanted to stop in and let you know that I'm still following your sitch and wishing you the best. But you're in good hands over here!

Ha, Matt! Yeah, kind of ironic. He is a gun collector though so we have a lot of money tied up in that collection. I guess it is the most valuable unnecessary thing we have that can easily be turned into cash.

Thanks for your words of support. I hope all is going well for you.