That makes the detaching even more difficult. Plus, I'm afraid that after pushing her so far away, that by detaching, she'll see that as just pushing her away even more.
I wish I had a nickel for every time a LBH has said the above quote.
You cannot imagine the mindset of a WW. This is not the girl you married. So, you cannot talk to her and/or expect to work things out as you did in the past. Can you accept that?
You can't be dangling on the end of a rope just waiting for her to call, and you go running to her. You especially don't talk about all the changes you are making. It's like a little boy saying, "Look at me, look at me. I am being a good boy. Will you come back to me now"?
It doesn't work b/c this is not all about you and your faults. That is why doing all the things she once wanted will not fix things now. Oh, she may continue to use your faults as her excuse, but the stitch has gone beyond that point. She has entered into a different realm and she will need to go through a process to find her way back.
You need to stay out of the way so that she'll go through the process faster. Whenever you respond like you did the other night, it puts you back to square one. You have assured her that you are working hard to get her back. However, that does not get the attention of a WW. You want her to watch you? Then drop the rope and GAL and stop chasing her. She will have to feel that she's losing YOU before she is interested enough to consider staying M to you.
You are scared she'll think you are pushing her away? This is the woman who said she couldn't get away from you fast enough! Have some self-respect and stop running to her when she crooks her finger.
The other night was all about her. It was not about you! She will play the "poor me" card whenever she wants reassurance. In her world, everything is about her. She won't think about you, unless she sees you moving on without her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
